She's just a fucking nightmare

Beckett's personality whatever test - my results

Thu, 14 May 2009 22:39:23 GMT

ESFP - "Entertainer". Radiates attractive warmth and optimism. Smooth, witty, charming, clever. Fun to be with. Very generous. 8.5% of the total population.

Take Free Myers-Briggs Personality Test

ESFPs generally have the following traits:

Live in the present moment
Are stimulated and excited by new experiences
Practical and realistic
Warmly interested in people
Know how to have a good time, and how to make things fun for others
Independent and resourceful
Spontaneous - seldom plan ahead
Hate structure and routine
Dislike theory and long written explanations
Feel special bond with children and animals
Strongly developed aesthetic appreciation for things
Great people skills

ESFPs are good at many things, but will not be happy unless they have a lot of contact with people, and a lot of new experiences. They should choose careers which provide them with the opportunity to use their great people skills and practical perspective, which will also provide them with enough new challenges that they will not become bored.

The following list of professions is built on our impressions of careers which would be especially suitable for an ESFP. It is meant to be a starting place, rather than an exhaustive list. There are no guarantees that any or all of the careers listed here would be appropriate for you, or that your best career match is among those listed.

Possible Career Paths for the ESFP:

Artists, Performers and Actors
Sales Representatives
Counselors / Social Work
Child Care
Fashion Designers
Interior Decorators
Consultants
Photographers

Fun meme

Wed, 15 Apr 2009 07:07:47 GMT

From - a fun meme!

She gave me Ryan Ross, and I'll give you the answers - what I think about him (and I &heart; her for that choice since he's probably the golden choice in that meme :D )

1. Do you like this person?
'Like' is something not deep enough for that. He's inspiration. And a source of motivation for me.
Actually it was him that made me throw my attention at Panic at the Disco. First because of his appearance, second because of the lyrics.
His character is not comparable to anyone elses and everyone who knows me also knows how I adore him for what he is!

2. How do you call this person?
Ryan, Ross

3. Which color do you associate with this person?
A special shade of blue... like this blue he was wearing around his eyes in my very very very favourite picture of him ever!

4. Looking at his/her character, what blood type do you think he/she has?
I dunno much about blood types, but my intuition lets me think it's AB

5. What do you want to tell this person?
"You created things, words and stories that touched more than you probably think. You're truly blessed with wath you can give and we are blessed by what you are giving to us - through your music and the part of your heart you let us look into"

6. What do you want to do with this person: hug, kiss or shake hands?
First shake hands to give him the respect he deserves. And then hug him as a silent grateful gesture.

7. Pick four of your friends, and pick a person for them

If you want one, let me know and I"ll give you someone!

Big hearts are for breaking

Tue, 10 Mar 2009 20:38:20 GMT

Title: Big hearts are for breaking
Author:emorockkid
Pairing: Ryden
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I don't own them and the title is taking from Jack's Mannequin's "American Love"
Big Thank You to dramacrumb who did the Beta on this. *hugs*

They are laying down in their bunk, or better Brendon's bunk, and enjoy just being silent. The day was busy and hard; Spencer, Jon and also the other bus passengers had fallen asleep already.

It's only Brendon and Ryan who are still restless, listening to each other's breathe. Neither one nor the other dares to say a word or two, afraid to make the comfort disappear.

The older one shifts closer to his bandmate and allows him to sling his arms around the thin waist. It's nothing new to Ryan to be close to his best friend. It's nothing foreign to feel the fingertips crawl over his stomach or the warm breath against his neck. To have lips mumbling random things into the sensitive shell of his ear. It's something created by their friendship that Ryan doesn't want to miss.

Just as he feels his pulse calm down and almost drifts off, Brendon's hands are covering his and Ryan can feel another, faster heartbeat pounding against his spine. It makes his stomach clench painfully.

“I think I'm falling in love with you, Ryan Ross...”

The fragile boy pretends to sleep; in fact, his inside starts to panic.

When he wakes up in the morning and feels a weight around the upper half of his body, Ryan realizes what happened a few hours before and suddenly feels angry. He pushes Brendon away and hurries himself to get out of the bunk.

The singer wants to say something, but Ryan cuts him off with a harsh voice. “Your beard is annoying and changing clothes might help. You smell!”

He rushes out of the bus to get some fresh air and leaves Brendon alone, who doesn't see that Ryan is sinking down a tree and curses. Ryan pulls his hair and wishes he never heard the words that were coming from the bottom of a loving heart.

Brendon just locks himself in the small bathroom, takes an extra quarter for his washing procedure, shaves extra carefully and unwraps the new clothes he had found in the mall yesterday afternoon.

When he gets back into the bunk section, smelling like lemon and cherry, his skin softer than ever, there's a text message on his sidekick.

“Stop loving me!”

It's from Ryan.

He types back “I can't”.

When they are in the venue, checking the microphones and instruments, Brendon is as active and busy as ever, moves around and jokes with Spencer and Jon. Ryan seems tense when the singer is rather doing silly voices than the lyrics of „Northern Downpour“ and stays adorable and cute all the way.

Ryan stomps on his guitar amp and rips off the cables. He gives up.

“Could you please come back to reality and do some serious music?”

He rushes out of the venue into the backstage area and searches for a room where he can be alone and hides his face in his hands. Some seconds later he runs his fingers through his hair and wishes he never heard the words that were coming from the bottom of a loving heart.

Brendon finishes up the soundcheck with the rest of the band. And later, being on stage, he barely leaves the small carpet under his feet and concentrates on hitting the right strings on his guitar and reaching the right notes all the time. Their show has never been so perfect, but at the same time so serious and unexciting before.

After they said good-bye to the crowd, the pretty boy is heading for his sidekick above everything else. He finds a text message from Ryan.

“Stop loving me!”

Brendon sighs, rubs the towel through his wet hair and texts back “I can't”.

When Brendon is shoved hard in the middle of the night, he sits up in his bunk where he stayed alone without the rising and falling chest right next to him, robbing of his sleep and putting his heartbeat into a hastier pace.

It's dark, but he still sees Ryan's almost black, cold eyes sparkle in annoyance and anger, something that became prominent to him over the whole day, even if it only had been these two situations.

“Could you please stop the fucking talking in your sleep? It keeps people up!” he states and storms out of the bunk section to reach the kitchen area. He sinks down on one of the cushions while he stares out of the window. He hears the noises of the cars that speed along and wishes he never heard the words that were coming from the bottom of a loving heart.

Brendon takes his coverlet, the huge pillow and the messed-up picture that was hidden under it and makes his way to the back of the bus, where they have this uncomfortable couch and no heater. It's freezing cold in there, but he just wraps himself in the thick fabric and squirms around until he finds a position he could stand for more than a few seconds.

He then closes his lids and hopes to fall asleep faster than his body realizes that the temperature in there surely isn't healthy.

When he goes for his sidekick in the morning, he knows he'll find a text message from Ryan.

“Stop loving me, Brendon!”

And the roughness behind it hits him heavily.

His fingers get sweaty when he texts back “I just can't!”

When Ryan is the last one in the little breakfast diner they stopped at to order something, he sees that Brendon has finished almost. Instead of joining him, Jon and Spencer, he goes for the table the crew is sitting at and asks Justin if the tech guys plan to have a party for tonight since they are having a day off. And they look forward to get wasted, very much. Nobody asks why Ryan isn't sitting with his bandmates, even though everybody knows there has to be something wrong.

He stands up after he finished the meal and crosses Brendon at the little table. His plate only contains sweet stuff and instead of saying something nice he is getting unfriendly again, thinking about that they should live healthy, especially on tour. And that the younger's concentration always gets lost totally after a rush of sugar in his blood.

Ryan glares at him and sees how he's getting nervous, that he knows something is coming. But the guitarist couldn't care less right now.

“God damn it, Brendon. Stop eating that shit before you get fat like hell!” he exclaims and throws the plastic and his paper coffee cup into the bin before he leaves the diner as fast as he can. He storms over to the bus and types in the door code to crawl into his bunk, hiding from what he should face before it's turning into the biggest mess of his life; hiding that he actually wanted to sit down next to Brendon and steal some pieces of his blueberry muffin.

Hugging his legs with his arms, holding them close to his body, he wishes he never heard the words that were coming from the bottom of a loving heart.

The boy whose heart hurts just a little after this overrated reaction, looks down onto his bag which he had filled with a few of Ryan's favorite snacks and candy, lets his teeth clench when he thinks about how stupid he was to have the idea it could ease up things between them – at least just a little. He empties the context of the box into the trash bins without thinking twice, clicks his heals and leaves.

Spencer and Jon don't notice that he's absentminded when he takes place in front of the Xbox and plays something he can't remember afterwards. What both of them do notice is that he stops eating until shortly before the show and barely fills his stomach with more during the next days.

Brendon refuses to check his phone until he goes back to sleeping late at night. He doesn't read the message, because he knows it's saying. “Stop loving me, for god's sake!”

He only types back. “Hell no, I can't!”

When they are sitting in the wardrobe room a week later and Brendon talks about the stuff that happened a few hours ago when he decided to see some well-known fans, he speaks fast and loud. And he laughs a lot. Jon and Spencer join in and enjoy the conversation just as much as Brendon does. Only Ryan stays silent. He's annoyed by his friends acting like nothing happened through the last seven days.

He's annoyed that Brendon's stopped smelling like himself and he can't stand lemon and cherry anymore.

He's annoyed that fans seem to be bored like hell during their shows and that Brendon sounds like they'd play a studio record.

He's annoyed that his bunk feels so fucking cold at night and that the pillows are nothing steady to hold on to.

He's annoyed that Brendon stopped eating properly and quits soundchecks early because he has no energy anymore.

But mostly he's annoyed that Brendon doesn't get that he wants the best for him. That Ryan will break this beautiful boy sooner or later.

The older one stands up and glares at the laughing mess next to him, the laughter obviously the only thing left that's a real part of Brendon. And in the corner of his brain he knows that he'll regret what his tongue is ready to spill right now. A kick against the chair gets the attention he needs to make his statement. “I am going to have a nap in the other room, could you please stop being so fucking loud? Thank you very much!”

He goes for the door and can't hold himself up for longer than the next door that happens to be a restroom that he locks quickly. Sinking down on the toilet, he lets the tears run, finally. Sobs and whimpers leave his mouth as he tries to swallow them down, but he misses Brendon too much to calm them down completely. He wishes that he never heard the words that were coming from the bottom of a loving heart, more than ever.

Brendon's listening to Spencer and Jon and their angry argument about what the fuck is up with Ryan. They don't understand their old friend anymore and whatever question it is that they are asking the brunette, he only shakes his head. He'd like to give them the missing answers, but he's only guessing.

He's watching his mobile intensely and even if it takes a little longer than usual, he finds a text message from Ryan and something clicks in his head this time.

“Brendon, please do yourself a favor and stop loving me, I'm begging you!”

The singer gasps, then thinks it’s impossible that Ryan's doing all this to protect him...

“I never could, Ryan. Don't beg for something impossible!” he returns and knows what he might be doing, but he is going to test the one he's lost his mind to.

When the both of them share the room in a hotel four evenings later, they feel private and alone enough to allow themselves to sleep together. Literally. Ryan doesn't know what turned his brain into this direction, but he can't stop the movements, the kisses, the touches that cover Brendon's body, the flushed skin and he feels like running away when his hand strokes firmly another time and his thrusts still as he feels the both of them reaching their climaxes.

Ryan is close to collapse thoughtlessly, but then his gaze snaps up and he catches sight of the glittering, wet pearls on the beautiful cheeks. Something inside is dying ‘cause he knows the tears are his fault. As well as the feeling of sharp hipbones and less flesh under his thumbs. He's also guilty that he almost forgot how Brendon’s voice sounds since he stopped using it after Ryan's last ego attack and that he causes the pretty one to change that heavily. To kill his own soul slowly, more and more.

Brendon's turning away before Ryan can wipe away what he hates to see right now and finally lets out a tiny whisper. “Are you going to run away now?” he asks and doesn't have to wait long until two fingers are grabbing his chin with soft pressure until their teary eyes lock.

And he wasn't wrong, he knows he wasn't when he finds that hurt glimpse in the honey eyes – Ryan just was led by the thought that he wasn't good enough for Brendon.

Ryan shakes his head, his mouth too dry to speak a word out loud.

“What are you so afraid of, Ryan?” he asks, sobs leaving his mouth ‘cause the fear is still shaking him with an amount of force. He isn't sure if he can trust his feelings to let himself fall into Ryan's arms.

The asked one lowers his head and breaths in, then breaths out shakily, his voice breaks as he tries to clear everything up. “Your heart, Brendon. It's too precious and innocent to be crushed by hands as dirty as mine!” he explains and finds that it's him who's is receiving a stroke through his sweaty hair strains and a lighter one over his cheeks, than his lips.

“Big hearts are for breaking, Ryan. And if it's you who does it, I am totally okay with it!”

And for the first time on this evening, for the first time since Ryan heard the words that were coming from the bottom of a loving heart and for the first time in their friendship, their lips connect for a contact that they'd like to call their first kiss.

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First times should always be something special

Wed, 18 Feb 2009 21:11:04 GMT

Title: First times should always feel like something special

Author: emorockkid

Pairing: Always-a-girl-William Beckett / Gabe Saporta

Rating: PG-13

Facts: Standalone, 3rd POV, a few cricumstances were changed

Warning: They are both 14 and Bilvy’s PMSing

Dedication: To all of you girls out there who hate that special time in month. And roflkopter for being the quickest and most adorable Beta ever!

Summary: She was dressed in brown sweatpants and a too-big dark baseball shirt that drew a heavy contrast to her beautiful, hairlessly pale skin, and at the same time hid her fragile, but still female and – in Gabe's eyes perfect – frame.

At first, he had hesitated to knock on the wooden door, wondering if there had been any special reason none of his calls had been answered all day. He had been worried about her since she hadn‘t appeared today, staying away from classes since the very first ringing of the school bell. She hadn't been missing since they‘d started growing closer and 'dating', if it was okay to call it that at their age.

Gabe sighed. He really hoped he hadn't done something wrong or treated her in the wrong way or not treated her in the way that a cute, lady-like girl like her deserved to be treated. Yes, they were pretty young, but if the fourteen-year-old had ever been serious about something, it was about being with Bilvy.

He took a deep breath, sniffing the flowers in his hand and taking care of the box of cupcakes he carried in the other one. Something he had learned from the older boys in their circle of friends. He hoped it'd count as a sorry if there was any need for one. Oh, and of course he had some sheets in his backpack, copies of all the stuff they had done in school today – and also some of the homework Bilvy was supposed to do afterwards. Gabriel wanted her to see that he really cared for her.

After what seemed like half a century, he punched his elbow into the door two times and then waited patiently. A muffled noise reached him and a light curse as the young girl obviously ran against something in her room. His breath caught in his throat as the door opened lightly and gave a shallow look to his – what he liked to call – girlfriend.

She was dressed in brown sweatpants and a too-big dark baseball shirt that drew a heavy contrast to her beautiful, hairlessly pale skin, and at the same time hid her fragile, but still female and – in Gabe's eyes perfect – frame.

Her chin-length hair was a little messy, flying aroung as if she had just been standing up, although Gabe knew she hadn't since it was already four in the afternoon. Shooting a short glance to her white face and the dark rings under her eyes, he knew that it was definitely something more serious than being mad at her boyfriend that had her stuck at home.

Her gaze shifted to the floor as she brushed her fingers through her hair after she realized it was him and not one of her buddies from the baseball team or the band. Gabe could tell she was feeling slightly uncomfortable with the way her hands shook a little. And though he knew she was feeling crappy and ugly right now, he thought she looked more natural and pretty than ever. It made him want to lean over and stroke the chestnut hair out of her soft face, holding her chin up and saying something nice to make her lips twitch into a small smile.

''You're not supposed to see me looking crappy like this,'' she mumbled, stepping back a little to let him into the room that looked exactly as comfortable as herself. Clothes strewn all over the floor, food packages in towers on the desk and a Harry Potter DVD in her player. It was just the way Bilvy was sometimes.

Gabe took a few tiny steps forward, leaning into her and kissing her temple after running his hand through her silky hairstrains covering it. The flowers found their way into her hands so one of the boy's palms was free to touch her arm, just barely ghosting over the skin there and leaving a shiver where it touched her. He always managed to make the butterflies fly through her whole tummy, making her as excited as hell.

''I was worried about you,'' he stated. He grabbed the door behind her and nodded to make her go in so he could close it for her. If it wasn't for Bilvy he usually wasn't a gentleman. But he was willing to use each little manner to impress her.

She shook her head as she sat down on her bed, wrapping herself in her favourite blanket and reaching over to the nightstand, taking out a dry bunch of flowers she got for her birthday last week. She replaced them with the beautiful purple roses Gabe had brought her. Purple wasn't exactly her favourite colour, but she know it was his and that made it cool and nice in her eyes. It wasn't the first time he'd bought her flowers and she knew he only picked the purple ones because red would be too much of the usual standard. And maybe too romantic for their young and innocent type of relationship. They were still teenagers who should think of themselves as too young for love.

Bilvy turned around again and saw that something now rested in her lap, staring up at her with a bright CUPCAKES sign on it. Her face lit up immediately. She gasped in joy and threw herself against Gabe's chest, catching his lips in a kiss that only lasted a few seconds until they broke away from each other, smirks decorating their mouths.

''You shouldn’t have, baby,'' she whispered, allowing her eyes to stare into his, letting herself drown in the warm, dark brown. Just a little, just for comfort. It also gave her a chance to signify that his lips were trembling in a happy way as the nickname resounded in his ears, ''But it’s good that your worries took you here. I think I could use some communication, distraction and love.“

She sighed through that last phrase and crawled onto Gabe's lap so that half of her body was resting against his chest, and she didn''t take care that this movement would make her tummy clench so heavily. A pressed and painful gasp slipped through her lips and send a light shockwave through her boyfriend's spine. Something was wrong with her.

''Is anything hurting you? Have you seen a doctor for it? I could make an icepack or go and get some painkillers for you. Or help your mom make dinner or –''

Bilvy interrupted his hectic words as she squeezed his tanned wrist to tell him she was doing fine. She hadn’t actually planned to tell him what kept her from the daily routine since Gabriel was a boy, but she was more than sure he wouldn't laugh at it or make fun of her for it. Not when she looked at how much he had changed for her since the day of their first kiss some months ago.

''You know I turned fourteen last week, and I‘m very late with it, but something happened today that's natural for a girl and it's equally natural that it hurts like fuck…'' she explained, unable to stop the embarassed blush that painted her cheeks. Gabe had to think for a minute, but than his face relaxed in realisation and he breathed a kiss into her strawberry flavoured hair. He should have known it, he thought to himself.

And Gabe, being the loud-mouthed and open person that he was, was sure he could say it out loud without being punched in the face.

''So we should get a mark in your calender that today was the day of your first period?“ he asked and he moved his lips to her neck to place a kiss on it, before he pressed their cheeks together and slipped his fingers under her shirt so he could lay his usually warm fingers on her stomach. Carefully and tender to make it better, not worse.

Breathing a soft and high laugh, she nodded and entwined their fingers to play a little with his. If she hadn’t known before that she had the best boyfriend in the world, she did now.

''So am I allowed to eat all the cupcakes myself, even your favourite ones?''

The tone in her voice was innocent and sweet to convince him to just let her have that round. And she was aware of the fact that she just had to call him ''honey'' to get everything she wanted if this would have been what she was willing to go for. But she was too lovely to use him like that.

''Of course you can, Bilvy. And I'll make sure to remember the 18th so I can bring a box of something round every month, just 'cause I like you that much, baby girl!“

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Now playing: Attack! Attack! - You and Me
via FoxyTunes

New community, join people!

Sat, 14 Feb 2009 21:01:29 GMT

I would love you guys to have a look at this new community:

Kid!Fic Slash

Please help to fill and spread the word about it!

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer part three

Tue, 10 Feb 2009 22:26:53 GMT

Titel: Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Author: (William's POV) and (Gabe's POV)
Pairing: Gabe Saporta/William Beckett
Rating: Generally R+, PG for this chapter
POV: 3rd, William-centred for this chapter
Summary: The Academy Is... and Cobra Starship are touring together... just like it was all the summers before. There shouldn't be anything different this time, but suddenly, something seems to go different.
Warnings: Language, boy sex, fights etc
Previous: One Two
Thank you's: Our beloved beta roflkopter . letogyllenhaal who did first beta this time. And the lovely </a></b></a>dramacrumb for being such an awesome and funny inspiration.
Disclaimer: Of course we can't say that this happened, but who knows? At least it's Gabilliam!
Teaser:
Luckily, my hair was still long enough to hide how my face obviously blushed and the tip of my tongue ran over my lips to let the taste of Gabe's kiss last a little longer.

Trying to push away Adam's assumption, as well as my fear about it possibly being true, I finally decided to slip through the half-open bus door, making my way outside to become a part of the welcoming scene. But, as it may have been expected, I didn't dare go much further than leaning back against said door, shooting glances at the man who’d managed to mess up my mind since the last time we saw each other in person.

Catching his gaze right now made me slightly nervous, knowing I shouldn’t be. Because after all he, didn't have a clue about me over thinking our friendship during the last two months that we hadn’t seen each other. Fingers cold and shaking a little bit, I brushed the hair out of my face and finally decided to move as Gabe's arms opened, requesting some kind of reaction from me; his eyes both scared and sorry, face twisted in worry. The sign I wanted that not hitting back at me wasn't something he had been doing on purpose.

I took careful barefooted steps over the grass that covered the distance between us, avoiding his eyes completely to keep my inner control over fears and doubts and eventual emotions, before I stopped right in front of him. I was finding it hard to ignore the fact that the others were, of course, watching, even though they pretended not to be. I leaned a little bit towards him, hoping he wouldn't hand me the burden to make the first step – and being the awesome friend he always has been, he pulled me into a hug that couldn't have been more intimate and relieving, all at once.

I pressed my face into the crook of his neck, trying to breathe in his smell and telling myself that there was nothing wrong with admiring the one person you trusted the most – in a non-relationship kind of way.

Running his hands up my spine, fiddling his fingers through my hair, he didn't bother to squeeze me a little more, and he kissed my temple with a softness that I wasn't used to coming from him. His lips moved over my skin, barely touching it, yet still leaving marks I would remember lying in my bunk this evening, suffering from insomnia over the thought that he was filling another one in another bus of a band that wasn't mine.

“Bilvy, I didn't mean to upset you,” he said, ghosting his fingertips over my neck and sending another shiver through my body. I shook my head, as if to tell him it was okay, “I'm sorry,” he added.

FLASHBACK

I stared at the bottle that pointed at me, actually also screaming at me to run from what Gabe was to do after he picked ‘dare’ in this stupid drunken game. Knowing he wouldn't have a problem with kissing someone in this room, not even Jon or Ryland or whoever, Sisky thought it would be the perfect turn to suggest a French kiss with the one the beer bottle would pick.

My older friend snapped his head to one side, facing me and seeing if I would avoid it. But I really wasn't willing to spread untrue rumors of maybe falling for him in case I skipped, so I just nodded and tilted my head closer to him, making it easier for him to reach my lips.

He was careful, almost tender and I had to force myself very hard to not melt into it completely when he cupped my cheek to get me a little closer. As soon as he started to suck on my tongue lightly, adding something close to passion into it, I broke away with half of my body shaking. This was clearly too much to take.

Luckily, my hair was still long enough to hide how my face obviously blushed and the tip of my tongue ran over my lips to let the taste of Gabe's kiss last a little longer.

Jumping a little as his presence interrupted my thoughts, I felt the older man leaning into me, searching for the shell of my ear before he whispered something that made me freeze,

“I'm sorry, Bilvy. I didn't mean for it to be like that...”

END OF FLASHBACK

Just half an hour later, after the Cobras had taken the time to get familiar with the rest of our band again and check the localities, it was time for me to catch up with sound check since the guys had already begun without me, leaving me time to have a quick shower.

I jumped onto the stage during the first verse of classifieds, cat walking to the mic-stand like I was doing an actual show. I grabbed the microphone, bringing it close to my lips, waiting for the chorus to kick in, letting the sun shine into my face. This would become a rough tour, and not only because of the weather.

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Now playing: Empires - Anywhere
via FoxyTunes

Bronx Drabble Collection Part Two: "Call it Pretty"

Sat, 31 Jan 2009 22:51:12 GMT

Bronx Drabble Collection
Part Two: "Call it Pretty"

(others: Part One)

By
PG, Pete/Patrick, Bronx Mowgli Wentz / Liam Mikey Way, Bronx-centric
Beta'd by
All lies and I didn't mean to offend Ashlee, I'm just a huge Peterick fan.

Pete, Patrick and Bronx are spending a weekend off together in their own family appartment. And because their friend Gerard Way and his family are in town, Patrick thinks it's a good idea to pick his little son Liam Mikey Way up and bringing the two boys together to become friends maybe.

Pete bit his lower lip, suppressing a little chuckle as he watched the little body squirming around in the purple blanket, hunting for the little whole where his favorite dog was hiding, barking softly to give the toddler some hints.

The black-haired, handsome man loved days like these: Sundays off, Ash brought Bronx around to his and Patrick’s apartment and they enjoyed nothing else but Bronx time. And the young mum had some room to do things only for herself. They built the perfect patchwork family; with respect, love and friendship.

After coming home from the public playground only a few blocks away, Patrick had been heading out to do ‚things‘ – of course Pete had tried to find out something about it, but just as usual he didn’t get any word out of him – and Bronx was exhausted enough to actually want the nap-time he usually used to refuse.

Still sleepy from the one-hour rest, he crawled around on the couch and poked, stroked, tickled Rigby in a playful way since the dog was practically his best friend. The three-year-old fell on his back, laughing at the top of his lungs and let out an even louder squeal, when the beloved pet jumped after him, carefully putting its weight on the tiny chest and licking Bronx’ chin with her wet tongue.

And all of that cute interaction between his two ‘babies‘ – ‘baby baby‘ Bronx and the younger of his dogs – was caught on camera.

Right before Pete was able to interrupt the whole snuggling and not-caring-that-the-baby boy-himself-might-be-hurt, the front door clicked shut a little too loud, causing the three of them to go still and start listening. The dark haired kid unwrapped himself from the coverlet, jumping from the place he was on currently and planned to run into the hallway, but his dad was faster, grabbing the hood of his hoodie. He pulled him back a little and lifted him to his arms, trying to win control over his bouncy son.

He was only as much months old as Pete was in years, but he already had a lot in common with the man who unfortunately didn’t have the time to raise him as much as Bronx would be worth it.

Patrick’s voice filled the room as soon as he stepped into the living area with only one foot, adding warmth and a special loveliness, just what the two other boys in the family used to love and adore. But this time his sudden appearing was different.

Holding tightly onto his left hand, there was another small boy, longer raven black hair falling into his eyes and broke the stare of his sharp grey eyes; skin almost as pale as Bronx knew snow was – even if he had never ever seen some before.

He wore a black shirt with some funny white and red drawn animals on it, black tight jeans and red tiny shoes that the slightly older boy thought were awesome.

“Hello uncle Pete!“ he mumbled, obviously a little shy and not as open as the junior version of Pete always showed he was.

“Bronx…“ Pete nudged the shoulder of his son tenderly to get back his attention and be sure that he would listen to him. “This is uncle Gerard’s son, his name is Liam… he is a little bit younger than you are!“ he explained, shooting a friendly glare at his boyfriend who tried to pull the handsome boy back to the middle of the scene, but Liam seemed to feel safer when he was hiding behind the blonde man’s legs.

A silence started to build between the four male individuals… only until they heard a happy bark from a few metres away. Rigby rushed into the situation, jumping in front of Patrick in pure joy, until she sat down, tail drumming on the floor excitedly.

Bronx was watching in curiosity.

He didn’t like other kids… on a regular basis. And Rigby neither. But there was something up with this Liam-kid.

All of a sudden, Rigby tilted her head upwards and pressed her forehead to the boy’s stomach, wiggling around to request some stroking and scratching of her neck.

„She likes you,“ Bronx said, showing a huge smile both of the ‚daddies‘ couldn’t believe they were seeing. Bronx never got along with other babies – especially not boys – before. This was a happy debut.

Liam looked up at him, giving a smirk, before he frowned.

„Why is he doing that?“ he asked back, being a little hesitant, when his fingertips touched the soft fur for the first time.

„That is easy, Liam. Because you are pwetty!“

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Now playing: Panic! at the disco - Panic at the Disco - There's A Good Reason These Ta
via FoxyTunes

Bronx Drabble Collection Part One: "Paint that Kiss"

Sun, 25 Jan 2009 19:24:56 GMT

Bronx Drabble Collection
Part One: "Paint that Kiss"

By emorockkid
PG, Pete/Patrick (hints of Ashlee/Pete), Bronx-centric
Beta'd by letogyllenhaal
All lies and I didn't mean to offend Ashlee, I'm just a huge Peterick fan.

The sounds from the basement are muffled, but still loud enough that Ashlee's supposed to hear them anyways. Turning her head to the side, she is able to peak out of the window, bright yellow sunshine flashing her beautiful features and giving her red hair a nice glow.

Usually they had helpers in their home who did stuff like preparing lunch, doing the dishes and all other things that superstars probably didn't do themselves. But since the birth of their lovely toddler, the young woman enjoyed being a mum with all of the typical aspects as often as possible.

She finishes the last plate, drying and settling it back to its usual place in the cupboard, when the music comes to a sudden stop. But she knows her husband and Patrick well enough to guess they just got distracted by any awesome idea - might it be the stupidest one their minds ever brought to them - or discuss about an absolutely perfect line of lyrics they 'totally have to add to this one special song', even if it was finished long ago.

A smile spreads over her dark red lips; it's probably the first intention anyways.

She folds the towel, putting it on the window bench so that the sun could take away the wetness and starts making her way through the big glass door in the living room that leads to the huge, perfect garden that's also equal to a child's paradise, containing the swing set, a tree house, a tiny slip'n'slide and anything else that Pete wanted to see in there rather for himself than his 5 year old son.

Ashlee spots dark brown messy hair on the purple kid's table close to Rigby's house, where Bronx obviously took a seat, not doing any noise. The younger one of the dogs lies next to his feet, not only for having something to snuggle on, but because it's the place where the most shadow usually was - Rigby is a little bit diva-ish in her behavior.

The small boy leans on the table, eyes fixed on a blank paper and the oil crayons that Ryan brought with him on his last visit spread all over the space around him. His tongue pokes out between the pink lips and sends a smile to Ashlee's heart. It's unbelievable how much of his dad he got in his own personality. Especially being that loud and full of life.

"Baby, is mommy allowed to see what you are painting there?" she asks, stroking his slightly long hair out of his forehead. He nods simply, almost throwing away the black crayon in his little hand and grabbing the corners of the paper, holding it up.
Scribbled rather blurrily, there are two human beings, one of it is wearing a hat and Ashlee thinks this is meant to be Bronx' secret 'uncle' Patrick, who of course used to stick to the little family more than anybody else did.
Next to him is a rather thinner boy with red pants and a blue sweatshirt, black hair poking into his eyes caused by the toddler's loss of exactness in drawing. And she gets that this is Pete. The only thing she doesn't get is what the position they are in should show.
Only that they are sticking together in some way.

"What are Daddy and Pat doing there, Bronx?" she wants to know, keeping her voice straight to not sound amused or maybe even pissed, nothing to influence the kid.
"You not see it, mommy?" he asks, throwing his head back to shoot the brightest and happiest beam to his beloved, pretty mom. He exposes his teeth while his grinning, before he adds the real answer:
"They are kissing!"

----------------
Now playing: Fall Out Boy - Tiffany Blews
via FoxyTunes

Tiny little secrets / Life isn’t like a rainbow Chapter tHrEe

Sun, 04 Jan 2009 18:34:40 GMT

Title: Tiny little secrets / Life isn’t like a rainbow

Author: emorockkid
Chapter: Three
Pairing: Gabe/William, Pete/Patrick, Ryan/Brendon, Spencer/Jon and some more of course
Rating: PG-13 up to R eventually
Warnings: This is a kid-fic, which means there are only 5 to 7 year adults and some teenagers in it.
Disclaimer: Nothing in this is true, I also mixed up family relations, surnames, ages, locations etc.
Summary: It's Gabe's first year in school, as well as William's. Both of them have to deal with a whole new part in life, family problems, sadness and slightly complicated friendships.

Dedications: roflkopter who of course did the beta again and she always does it best! dramacrumb who stood my crying an complaining about not being able to go on writing soon. And letogyllenhaal ... and you still have to ask baby!Brendon if you are allowed to adopt baby!Ryan ;)

Previous: oNe tWo

Spencer whimpered loudly, a light tone of suffer in his high sounding, childish voice before he cursed again. His hands had moved the pillow aside - nothing. It also hadn’t joined all the toy cars to take a ride to somewhere else - they were in the same order Ryan had put them in yesterday evening. Spencer thought it might be cuddling between the bed sheets, but he found that it wasn’t. He had also been sticking his little-bit-chubby nose into the basket with the dirty and worn clothes.

The older twin was longing heavily for the stuffed toy squirrel, almost being half as tall as Spencer himself.

"Eddie, where you been goin'?" he asked whiningly, bending down in an awkward angle to have a look under the bed, but he still didn't get any hint of his beloved non-human friend.

He fisted his hands, holding them up to his small mouth, and tried to suppress the upcoming tears.
The baby boy was more than sure that Eddie missed his daddy already!

During Spencer's process of searching for the most important puppy in his entire life, Ryan came back from the bathroom, teeth finally brushed and grinning when he saw that Spencer was already going crazy over the lack of his toy. The tinier one was a little bit proud of himself for finding such a great hiding place and giving Spencer an impression what it felt like to be treated by your own brother all the time.

Ryan's brother would survive this day, the first day of the new kindergarten year and of getting to know new friends. And in the evening, Ryan would bring Eddie back into the other twin's embrace, on loved and adored for being Spencer's everyday hero and saving the squirrel.

While they sat around the big wooden kitchen table like they usually did for breakfast - all of the boys together with Vicky and their mom because their dad had to leave for work very early in the morning - Spencer sat in silence. His eyes had gone red and his lips kept pouting. But as long as he was eating his peanut butter sandwiches, his mom didn't see herself in the need to worry or spill any questions to find out what was wrong with the toddler.

Ryan filled his mouth continuously with his beloved mixed cereals, humming a sweet melody he remembered from a Singing Day in Vicky's room, swinging his head and tapping his left foot against the leg of the chair.

Of course, he was already wondering if there'd be any new kids in his kindergarten group. If there would be girls or boys; if they were fun or rather boring. And if it was finally someone he could sing with while the other kids preferred their dolls or matchbox cars; being loud and noisy and rude. At least his teacher was interested in his passion.

Sometimes she even sat down with him and played a tune to his lines on the guitar or the accordion, helping him to correct himself if one of his sang notes failed. Ryan felt happy every time she was surprised at how easily he remembered what she was teaching him, and he told her that it was all thanks to his awesome and beautiful sister Vicky. The music part was totally his favourite about being in kindergarten.

On the other hand he was asking himself what daily life without Gabe, Butcher, Mike and Michael would be like, because the three of their common friends were already in their second grade of school now and had been staying in his group for the 'extra year' parents could send their kids to during their first year.

But there was still Spencer, Ryland, Nate and Alex he could play with. And Eric, the strange boy who of course was always there and also managed to not get recognized for a whole day. Sometimes, Ryan wasn't sure if Eric actually existed at all.

Snapping out of his detailed thoughts, Ryan's gaze fell on his older brother who was helping his mom prepare the lunch boxes for himself, and two smaller ones for the twins, cutting the apples, adding some salad to his cheese sandwich - since he never ate meat from the age of two onwards - and mixing Ryan's special chocolate milk. Only he knew how much cocoa he needed to add in order to make Ryan completely satisfied.

Unrecognized by the others, Ryan let out a tiny sigh, feeling a little messed up due to not having Gabby around him all the time anymore; of not sticking to the practical third twin – Ryan hadn’t learnt the correct word for it yet.

"Get ready, little heartbreaker. We have to leave in a few!" Vicky interrupted the silence between the boys, which was totally unusual for the three of them. Several weeks ago they used to burble about what they would play in kindergarten, or that they wanted to play House and that Gabe wouldn't let Ryland force him to be the daddy again; the male part of the family who always had to leave the house early in the morning to go and be a cook in the restaurant Michael and Mike worked at as waiters. And Butcher was the pianist in the corner playing some live music for their guests.

Gabe preferred being the mother for Nate, Alex, Ryan and Spencer, and to let Ryland do the work - he was so much better at it and Gabe was a much lovelier mom, caring and treating them as the best things that ever happened to 'her'.

Vicky was aware that the three toddlers would start to build up some distance in their close relationship as brothers since they wouldn't spend every free second together. But this was what getting older and growing up probably was about. And there was nothing much the oldest of them was able to do than try to keep them as close as possible.

She saw Gabe pressing his lips together and rubbing his eyes lazily. He seemed caught between being excited and wanting to quit school for another year of being in his favourite friend group. But he of course knew that school was necessary.

So he jumped off his chair, breathing heavily and taking tiny steps to reach Spencer who was sitting a little closer to him already. Patting his long, thick hair, Gabe saw a hint of motivation in his eyes, the tone of optimism that always was Spencer's best company.

“Have fun in school, Gabby. The girls will like you!“ he beamed, happy about pronouncing all his words correctly with the first try. Gabe nodded, giving Spencer a quick hug and leaving a peck on his cheek as if he was leaving the family for a few days.

But he was much more worried about the next goodbye he had to give away, knowing that Ryan wouldn't take it that easily; that the smaller one was really hurt about this change in his still-so-young life. The boy with the curly, brown hair was staring at the laminated floor, hiding the fact that there were tears building up in his honey-brown eyes.

He felt little fingers running through the curls, stopping at his beloved headband and following the lines of the patterns, just like Gabe loved to do when they were cuddling on the couch. This was when Ryan felt safe and guarded, feeling that nothing bad could happen to him then. As if Gabe was his personal guardian angel.

The black-haired one bent forward, placing a soft kiss of the hair covering Ryan's forehead; the same gesture he used when he was allowed to be his mommy during House.

“You my bestest friend, Gabby!“ Ryan sobbed, his voice cracking a little. He offered a facial expression Gabe could barely stand this because he felt guilty for it.

“And I’ll stay your best friend if you still want me to,“ he said, tried to tug his much smaller brother into a tight and honest hug. Ryan stayed tense for the break of a minute, until he allowed himself to press his chest against Gabby's, rubbing his cheek half against his neck and half into his hoodie; the drops of the salty fluid soaked away from the purple fabric.

“I want!” Ryan whispered, laying his arms around the small frame and tightening the embrace

“I told Ryland to be a good mom for you four and to especially make sure you’re getting your daily snuggle-time. And I’ll take care of the rest after coming home from school, okay?“ He earned a firm nod and a careful smile for that promise while Ryan's eyes found his to show him he would somehow be okay.

“I love you, Bro-y,“ Ryan said slowly. He stretched on his chair to give a sloppy kiss to the boy who was still holding him. Nothing would change if they didn't want it to do.

“Ryan, hurry, the others are waiting for us!”

Spencer was close to yelling in excitement as he ran through the front door of the kindergarten, his feet stomping impatiently as if there was nothing better in the world than seeing his friends again.

Ryan instead clung to his mom's side, holding her hand tightly and shooting an annoyed glare to his sometimes-too-hyperactive second half. He really wasn't in the mood to stand Nate or Alex right now.

Hiding his face in the fabric of his mother's casual pants, the young boy also ignore .the request for a private talk brought up to his mom by his kindergarten teacher.

Mrs. Saporta bent down with a sigh, and even if Ryan was still very innocent and unknowing, he saw that there were worries crawling through the features of her beautiful face. She hadn't felt very comfortable since eying the 'goodbye' scene after breakfast.

Her fingers dug into his favourite cream-coloured scarf, loosening its hold around his thin neck, and wiped a strand of hair from the already pretty face.

“Come on, Ryan, your world has to move on. Your friends will be happy to see you, okay?”

Ryan stood still for a second, listening into the silence that filled the hallway; Spencer had already stormed into the big, bright room a few metres away from where they were standing.

Still hesitating in his moves, the toddler nodded, walking backwards until he turned around and fastened himself a little.

As young as Mrs. Saporta was, considering the fact that she already had four kids, she looked up to the way older teacher, receiving a warm and understanding smile. Not that he could have known about it, Ryan had already presented the point of the upcoming discussion himself.

The two women took seat in the corner close to the door, both with a strong cup of coffee in hand and with serious expressions on their faces. Their gazes fell on Ryan, who was heartily greeted by Nate and Alex, both pulling him into a group hug, but he was rather passive in this loveliness. Mrs. Saporta tilted her head to the side, watching the scene. She was never aware of her son's habits with other kids like she was in that moment.

“He started to become kind of dependent of Gabe, always taking the seats next to him or cuddling into him during their nap-time. Has it ever been like that before the twins got into the older group? I mean, at home . . . in the arms of the family?”

The teacher received a headshake for this question, realising that she really had been the first person to realize that Ryan was practically clinging to his older brother.

The young mother trusted in the words the older lady laid down to her, just wanting the best for the boys.

“What do you think I should do about this?“ she asked, hoping for an helpful answer.

Her eyes were catching contact to the deep blue ones that showed wisdom and a great heart, if it was on Mrs. Saporta to judge about that.

“The first step is already done. Gabe told me he wants to do a few activities to do with music after school, so there shouldn't be the situation of spending too much time with Ryan.”

To hear about that hurt, because both she and her husband thought that it might be a good thing that the brothers were that close, taking care of each other.

“Gabriel started to feel too responsible for Ryan, caring less about his friends over that, and he always had an eye on him. This isn't something a boy in his age shouldn't do, but this really isn't your fault, and not the one of your husband. This is just how children in big families grow.”

Tears were filling the corners of Mrs. Saporta's eyes which were fixing on to another teacher taking Ryan's hand, obviously asking him to come with her for a few minutes. The teacher just received a blank expression and a nod, without any motivation behind it.

Why didn't she ever see it herself?

Warm fingers covered hers, letting her snap out of her self-judging thoughts and squeezing her shaking hand slightly.

“We will take care of his social behaviour with the other kids, supporting him as much as possible and as long as my psychological education is enough, I would like to deal with this together with you. I already thought about some ways to sort that out, okay?“

Ryan already had a look to see if there were new kids coming to the group – except of those he already knew from his old group. And to his disappointment, he saw no one new to him, until his teacher asked him to come with her, taking his hand and leading him to his favourite corner of the whole kindergarten – while Spencer's was the kitchen.

The guitars were still in their cases, the notes on the cupboard next to them. The only thing that was different was that the piano wasn't protected by the big leather coverlet anymore and he could also see that the chair stood closer to it. And not the chair alone.

Ryan stood in surprise and also kind of awe, as he realized that a small, tiny figure sat in front of the huge instrument, eyes closed and obviously fully concentrated. The boy watching the kid felt that the lady next to him had knelt down and whispered a short statement to him, so that nobody else could hear her, as though it were a secret to the world.

“This, Ryan, is Brendon.”

He laid his head to the left side a little to be able to take a closer look at the younger toddler's face. Brendon had thick, dark hair, hanging into his small, rosy-cheeked face, with a mouth that made him look as though he was pouting constantly. His fingers were short and a little chubby, but still seemed like they were able to fulfil miracles, as they laid there on the keys, waiting to touch the notes out of them.

The watching child’s breath caught in his throat, as Brendon's eyelids fluttered shut and he actually started to play. A melody Ryan had never heard before, but it was nice anyway. To be honest, it was more beautiful than any other melody he could think of in this second.

He was caught in fascination through this one minute as the – so Ryan thought – younger one played the simple lines of notes as if it was the biggest gift of music ever, feeling warmth crawling into his belly. Nothing made him happier than music did. And so it was in this situation.

As soon as the short song was over, Ryan took a few steps towards the 'new one', waiting for him to snap out of his trance. And so Brendon did, clapping his hands and smiling almost awkwardly in joy. It seemed like he must have had fun playing the instrument Ryan still had a huge respect of.

He stood very close to the chocolate-eyed boy, holding out his small hand in a friendly gesture.

“Hi... Brendon, right?”

The boy nodded excitedly.

“I’m Ryan!”

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Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer Pt. Two

Sun, 04 Jan 2009 12:37:34 GMT

Title: Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Author: dramacrumb (Gabe's POV) and emorockkid (William's POV)
Pairing: Gabe Saporta/William Beckett
Rating: Generally R+, PG for this chapter
POV: 3rd, Gabe-centred for this chapter
Summary: The Academy Is... and Cobra Starship are touring together... just like it was all the summers before. There shouldn't be anything different this time, but suddenly, something seems to go different.
Warnings: Language, boy sex, fights etc
Thank you's: Our beloved beta roflkopter
Disclaimer: Of course we can't say that this happened, but who knows? At least it's Gabilliam!

Teaser: “Why didn’t you call Bilvy? The poor boy’s gone completely insane waiting for his phone to fucking ring,” The Butcher explained. He crossed his arms over his chest.

Previous: ONE

Traffic jams. Whoever invented this crap should die…like…now. A slow and painful death would be awesome, thank you very much!

An hour had passed and we were only about three blocks away from the parking lot where we all had to meet to start this ~~trip to hell~~ tour.

I heaved an irritated sigh and threw the first thing I could find against the door that led to the bunk section of the bus, instantly regretting my action when I realized that the pieces that were now scattered on the floor belonged to my dearly beloved sidekick.

“Fuck!” I yelled, before kneeling down to pick up what was left of my phone.

“Dude, are you okay?” Alex asked from the other side of the door. He opened it and entered the back lounge carefully.

“What do you think, huh?” I snarled, shooting a death glare up at him from my position on the floor.

Alex hesitated for a moment. “Uh…well, no? Care to tell me what happened?”

“Well, first this fucking traffic jam happened and then I got angry and threw my fucking phone against the fucking wall.”

“Why would you throw your phone against a wall?”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” I asked raising an eyebrow. “I didn’t really think about what I was throwing. I just did it!”

“Right…” He nodded before turning around to leave, “Well, we’ll be stuck on this bus for at least another two hours, so join us if you’re getting lonely.” And with that Alex was gone.

I sighed leaning my head against the sofa next to me.

I wanted to shout after him, “Don’t worry, I won’t get lonely!” but I knew he had a point. Normally I would have called or texted Bilvy to pass the time. He always knew a way to cheer me up or keep me entertained. But a short glance at the remains of my sidekick told me that there was no chance of getting a bit of comfort from my best friend this time.

Since I didn’t feel like hanging out with the rest of my band, and there was really nothing else to do, I decided to crawl into my bunk to sulk.

“Gabe? Dude, wake up!” Someone was shaking me. I must have fallen asleep at some point. I slowly opened my eyes to see who had come to disturb my peaceful slumber.

I was greeted by a smiling Nate. “Hey Sleeping Beauty, we’ve reached our destination! So get your ass up and out of the bus.”

I flipped him off and then rolled out of my bunk, yawning.

After a short visit to our little bathroom, I finally exited the bus taking in the new surroundings. I spotted my band a few feet away in front of another bus that obviously belonged to The Academy Is….

Suddenly, someone came running towards me screaming “GA-A-B-E-EY!”

I instinctively took a step back. The crazy person appeared to be The Butcher and he was now literally throwing himself at me, causing me to almost lose my balance.

“What the fuck?” I asked, grinning as he hugged me tightly.

“It’s about time, dude!” he said, nudging my shoulder hard.

“Ouch! Why did you do that?”

“Why didn’t you call Bilvy? The poor boy’s gone completely insane waiting for his phone to fucking ring,” The Butcher explained. He crossed his arms over his chest.

“What? Where…where is he? Is he okay?” I asked. I was concerned, as once again, my stupid, selfish self had only considered my feelings, “Fuck, I’m so sorry!” I whispered.

“You’d better be,” The drummer shot back, dragging me towards his band’s tour bus.

When he reached for the door, it opened, revealing the tall, fragile figure of my best friend, William Beckett. His eyes darted around until they found mine, causing his lips to curl up in a weak smile.

“H-hey, Bilvy.” Hesitantly, I stepped forward, opening my arms for him, ~~hoping~~ waiting for a reaction.

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Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer Pt. One

Mon, 22 Dec 2008 11:05:01 GMT

Titel: Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Author: emorockkid (William's POV) and dramacrumb (Gabe's POV)
Pairing: Gabe Saporta/William Beckett
Rating: Generally R+, PG for this chapter
POV: 3rd, William-centred for this chapter
Summary: The Academy Is... and Cobra Starship are touring together... just like it was all the summers before. There shouldn't be anything different this time, but suddenly, something seems to go different.
Warnings: Language, boy sex, fights etc
Thank you's: Our beloved beta roflkopter , you are always doing such an awesome job and especially that fast! And the lovely dramacrumb for being such an awesome and funny inspiration.
Disclaimer: Of course we can't say that this happened, but who knows? At least it's Gabilliam!
Teaser:
"Say ‘Aah’!" He couldn’t have made this friendly command in a drier way.

"Sisky, chocolate thickens!" I protested, but I couldn’t hide that the effort alone conjured a smile on my lips.

"Say ‘Ahh’, William, or else I’ll find another way of stuffing this into you!"

The slight vibration of my lips that were tightly pressed together managed to distract me a little from staring at my sidekick for the hundredth time and going through my contact list in search of a certain number without any self control.

This lasted for about thirty seconds. Then I heard the mailbox that was burned into my brain after trying to call Gabe for a countless numbers of times. I hung up, frustrated, and continued to hum my wild mix of Same Blood, Snakes On A Plane and One Day Robots Will Cry.

With a loud sigh I rested my chin on my thin forearm and stared out of the window at the landscape which hadn’t changed at all in the past half hour.

"He's been doing that for two hours straight now," I heard Mike say in the next room to one of our bandmates, "If the Cobras don’t show up any time soon, we’ll have to cut him out of the sofa!” Despite his sarcastic words, I knew he was worried about my current state, regarding the fact that we should be on tour with a band that were our closest friends for six weeks.

But Mike couldn’t actually change that either.

I took another look at my watch. I hadn’t heard from Gabe for two hours, forty three minutes and seventeen seconds now. Apparently they had gotten into some massive traffic jam and would be considerably late, but things like that usually didn’t keep Gabe from making our mobile devices glow.

Unheralded, the cushion next to me sunk a bit, telling me that someone sought my company and wanted to try to change my facial expression. When I tilted my head to the side a little, I saw it was Sisky who downright pressed his thigh against mine and held out a piece of chocolate to me at nose level. Inwardly, I had to smirk a bit at that; he always fell back on the same method.

"Say ‘Aah’!" He couldn’t have made this friendly command in a drier way.

"Sisky, chocolate thickens!" I protested, but I couldn’t hide that the effort alone conjured a smile on my lips.

"Say ‘Ahh’, William, or else I’ll find another way of stuffing this into you!"

Alarmed, and definitely taking his threat seriously, I straightened up and took the treat with my teeth, careful enough to not bite his fingertips off.

He took advantage of me chewing for a moment to stuff a second piece into my mouth right away which caused me to cough. His brightly sparkling eyes flashed, shocked.

"Everything's ... all right,” I assured him between chokes, and I bent forward slightly to press my eyelids together.

It was silent for a moment, then my body began to tremble and Sisky seemed to be worried that I was about to burst into tears of desperation – but I was not that sensitive.

Not a second later, I let out a hearty laugh and abruptly raised my gaze to confirm the effect of his therapy to my entertainer. Amused, I pinched his cheek that had paled a few shades, only to stroke the oppressed area afterwards.

"Sometimes I don’t know what I’d do without you,” I almost whispered, but he knew how to take that. As a sign of relief, he simply shoved a third piece of the chocolate into my mouth and ruffled my messy hair with a familiar gesture.

"You really get used to those bastards when you’ve been on tour with them." I expressed what had been on my mind in the way which Sisky had wanted me to; I finally talked about it. He could tell it was stressing me.

Sisky nodded. Then he looked at me, not only from the side but also bent a little forward to catch my gaze.
A chill went down my spine, leaving goose bumps. He had the awkward ability to reason my thoughts and make me aware of their meaning before I got them straight.

"But you haven’t felt this bad whenever you had to abstain from Gabe before," he pointed out, "Mostly it was the other way around, wasn’t it?”

Unnoticed, I winced and inhaled sharply through slightly parted lips for a second. I looked helplessly at Sisky and wished for a miracle of salvation as he frowned. It was not a good sign that my heart was beating this fast.

"Wait," he started, "Don’t tell me you’re-"

Before he could say something more he was interrupted by a pointed scream of joy that definitely came from outside of the bus and sounded just like, "GA-A-A-B-E-E-Y!" with a lot of imagination.

I exhaled heavily and thanked my soul mate for his awfully bad timing.

Cause I am so happy that you're taking me as I am without complaining for just one single time!

Sun, 21 Dec 2008 21:38:56 GMT

An Icon spam for my lady dramacrumb

Cause I know you like them and cuz you couldn't get the medium Panda at Nanu Nana!
Cause we are too emo to be true!
Cause I don't need to spill it out, you will do for me rather sooner than later!
Cause you know you have the bestest friends ever and I still try to be one of them!
Cause I love nonsense babbling about Gabilliam, Ryden, Treckett or whatever!
Cause usually I know your scheduled times to light up my day with just showing up on MSN!
Cause who the hell could, huh?
Cause it is our both's PATD-fave, isn't is?
Cause you made me being addicted to Gabey and he made me getting addicted to colours!
Cause you made it a little bit easier with being so naturally open and lovely.
Cause we don't, right?
Cause we are not the only ones to do that, right?
Cause most of them don't know what it is to have a passion, right?
Cause he inspired you for this awesome picture on your myspace!
Cause you will never do what you always say you would!
Cause we laughed so hard at each TAI TV episode we watched together (when I didn't fell asleep)!
Cause I sang this again and again for days after you showed me!
Cause this picture only looks perfect without you being cut of next to Bilvy!
Cause I know how much you liked him like that!
Cause we both adore him!
Cause we don't think it'd be disgusting that he sweats like shit!
Cause we do!
Cause it's still our fave, isn't is?
Cause hell yes, it's Gabe!
Cause it motivates me on so many days!
Cause we'd probably do the same to Gabanti as well!
Cause sometimes we are both stupidly romantic!
Cause Kiddie!Ryan does it the best!
Cause I just feel delighted to call you my friend!

Don’t start what might break my heart (Prequel to 'Chances on a bitter ending')

Fri, 19 Dec 2008 19:01:33 GMT

Author: emorockkid
Prequel to Chances on a bitter ending</lj>

Pairing: Generally Gabe/William, befriended Vicky/Gabe

Rating: PG, kinda angsty
Chapters: Oneshot

Warnings: emotional!Gabe, language
Disclaimer: I can't say if this happened, but actually is just a thought buried in my head.
Dedication: This is for my baby dramacrumb again and she also did the beta which I love her for. And I had a second and bestest beta ever by roflkopter . I adore you for sitting down and helping when I need you!. And of course it is for everybody who kept sticking to my stories so much even if I don't have a lot of stuff going right now. I love all of you!

</lj>

Gabe pushed the big grey button, turning the volume on the stereo up much louder than it already was to try and pretend that he didn't hear the loud knocks on the door. It seemed like whoever was knocking had been there for ages. But Gabe seriously didn’t feel like seeing anyone or anything right now. He just wanted to feel sorry for himself for being best friends with someone like Will who was too blind and too stupid to see that he made one mistake after another.

Gabe sighed, punishing himself wordlessly for leaving the Academy CD in his player and not feeling like switching it to another one. So it was William Fucking Beckett who screamed into his ears - and through the door of his room - to show that he was going through a heavily depressed phase right now. He wanted to tell 'fuck off' to everyone who thought that telling him that everything would be totally awesome and okay as soon as possible would be a very great idea.

Gabe didn’t want to have Nate and Alex pulling him out of his room and distracting him with whatever they thought was funny and exciting right now. Maybe something like renting an almost broken car and driving around the most fucked-up places in New York as if they were tourists from Europe who still thought that it would be cool to do things like that.

And of course, he definitely didn’t need Ryland to have a serious ‘You know how William is, still a kid…’ talk with him, telling Gabe that he still had to keep trying and hoping and fighting, because one day he would get to the point he wanted to be at. But Gabe stopped believing in that long, long ago.

And he didn't even want Sisky to call and tell him that he was just as mad as the older singer of the befriended band about Bilvy going back to this girl who broke his heart so often. He didn’t want to hear Adam’s worries about seeing the young adult broken-down one more time, drinking and partying even more than he actually was doing while being on tour. He didn't want to hear Adam tell him that he hated losing his best friend for the few months or even just weeks that they would be staying together.

He didn’t want to hear anything that confirmed that William not being single anymore wasn’t just one of Gabe’s stupid nightmares. And he hated that he didn’t need any more facts to know exactly that it was the truth.

Sighing deeply, and feeling the heavy pain in his chest, he bent over to the radio, switching it off and leaning back against the wall. He knocked his head against it on purpose to try and ban this boy from his head. But of course, he failed. Just like he had done all the years before.

The light blue pillow next to him seemed to be perfect for squeezing a lot, so he grabbed it and pressed it to his curled-up frame, wrapping his long, slender arms around it before he suddenly decided not to be so childish anymore by cutting his friends out of his life; he totally knew that they wanted to help him.

And because he knew them all better than he knew himself, even better than the contents of his own closet – which had to mean something – Gabe knew from the sounds of the knocks on the old door that it was Vicky who felt like being there for him today.

“Feel free to come in, baby girl. I won’t bite you!” he called, trying to sound as lovely and sugary as possible He really adored this girl for being how she was.

She took a few careful barefooted steps forward, sticking her head into the small but very comfortable room, grinning naturally. She immediately started acting like the real Vicky-T, just to cheer him up for a second before she would be going back to being serious and all-ears.

“It'd probably be me biting you, Gabey-Baby!”

And of course, that brought a smile to his face which was already hidden in the pillow.

“I hate him, with all my heart,” he mumbled, almost running teeth into his tongue because of those few swallowed words, tensing his shoulders and hoping she would get it.

She did. She was a girl, after all.

Vicky sat down next to him, doing nothing else but watching Gabe's back rise and fall for a few moments before she said what her mind already told her so many times before without spilling it out.

“Of course you do!” It sounded so easy, like she truly meant it. Gabe tilted his head up, frowning at his friend and wondering if she really couldn't figure him out anymore. “You’ll hate him until he's doing the next thing that's just too cute to stand or be mad at him for. Or until he’s leaving sweet notes on the curtain of your bunk or texting nonsense stuff in the middle of the night just to let you know he feels blessed to call you his best friend.”

Gabe smiled. He remembered all of those lovely, meaningful situations and how satisfied William was when Gabe felt happy about them.

“You'll hate him until he hums or whines or giggles when you are cooking him pancakes for breakfast, acting like he never had better food. Or until he sits down next to you with his guitar and playing some random new song he wrote. And especially when he tells you he wrote it because it reminded him of a day you two spent together.”

Gabe pressed his lips together. Were all these things supposed to heal his broken heart and let him stay in that state of being ‘the bestest friend William Beckett could ever have wished for’?

“Or until he appears backstage at one of our shows, after he forced the guys to drive through the whole state just to be able to see our show this one evening, just to sing ‘Snakes’ with you and grinning like he was about to explode with joy?”

Gabe nodded; Vicky was right.

“You'll never be able to hate him, 'cause you love him too much ... and no girlfriend or bitch in the world will ever change that, honey,” she whispered, comforting him by rubbing his back with tiny strokes. She bent and placed a kiss on his temple, earning an honest smile from his soft lips.

Please also check out my other stories and go and vote on my oneshot idea listing

Oh and I have to share a little insider with you.
Me and dramacrumb were chatting on msn when I sent her the story.
And following thing happened:
First, her player shuffle brought 'You can't be missed if you never go away' by Cobra
My last fm shuffle brought 'Checkmarks' by TAI
Her shuffle then played 'We got a big mess on our hands tonite' from TAI mine did 'Give it up' by Midtown.
And just a minute before this song ended her shuffle spilled 'After the last midtown show' by TAI

So, anybody left who seriously thinks that those two are not ment to be together if they already start manipulating fangirl-shuffles?

Tiny little secrets / Life isn’t like a rainbow Chapter tWo

Tue, 16 Dec 2008 20:47:25 GMT

Title: Tiny little secrets / Life isn’t like a rainbow

Author: emorockkid

Chapter: Two

Pairing: Gabe/William, Pete/Patrick, Ryan/Brendon, Spencer/Jon

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: This is a kid-fic, which means there are only 5 to 7 year adults and some teenagers in it.

Disclaimer: Nothing in this is true, I also mixed up family relations, surnames, ages, locations etc.

Dedications: Usually it is roflkopter who does my beta, but this time she unfortunately didn't have enough time to do it in time and I wanted to post this as soon as possible, so I asked dramacrumb to do it. But I still hope, roflkopter is still on board to comment the next chapter, cause I love how she takes the best out of my stuff (and hunny, my notebook got crashed so that I lost the first half of your betad part *cries like a baby*)

Previous: oNe

William whipped his bangs out of his eyes, watching the action while he stayed silent. He sat on the wooden counter, his long legs swinging a little bit as he tried to take in what he had just seen, heard and experienced in his new school. Finally he was able to be excited after clinging to Pete’s hand in fear of this one more ‘new thing’.

Moving from their big house in sunny, bright Los Angeles to this sweet apartment in rather rainy Chicago was okay with him. Getting used to Pete being around him and Brendon all the time was totally fine. But having to deal with a room full of foreign kids who would for sure all be very different from him, was the hardest part do deal with.

Brendon was in his and William’s room for nap-time, although the oldest of the three Beckett brothers would have allowed him to stay awake for this special day. The walk, in their case almost run, through the building had tired the vividness out of him totally. He already got dizzy in Pete’s arms before they even left, rubbing his cheek on the warm shoulder, the small fingers grabbing the dark, casual shirt and mumbling “No, only my face!” when he had been asked if he was tired.

The older of the two kids had wanted to help baking the muffins or preparing the dishes, but because it was his and only his big day Pete refused to let him do anything. Secretly the young adult just didn’t want William to ruin the black, silky pants which he only lent from a costume store to spare money. Even with earning more money since he signed the contract for his band, he still stuck to the skill to save each dollar he could. Just in case.

Being at the celebration in school, people were wondering about the little group of boys walking along with the usual families. Every now and then Pete was asked if the little jumping one over here was his son. And he had grabbed Brendon by the hips, lifted him up into his embrace and answered that it wasn’t like that, but he was his older brother and caring for him and William ever since. No one had to know that his parents had been killed in a car accident shortly after Brendon was born.

It was already for years ago.

“You looked so great when you were standing in front of all those older people… almost like a little young gentleman!”, Pete stated, tipping his wet finger to Williams nose and leaving some of the dish-water. The younger frowned in surprise, asking himself why this statement was brought up so suddenly.

“It was okay. Just like how it feels… or felt when I was in choir!”, William told him and noticed in the same second, somewhere deep in his head, why his brother chose the words. He always was close to tears, being so proud of Will, when the choir joined a show and it was always this one voice he was able to make out over everyone else’s. There was nothing Pete loved more than William and Brendon. Absolutely nothing.

Pete stopped the lunch preparation for a second to turn around and mess William’s hair a little bit, before he bent down a little to kiss an exposed part of his forehead.

The oldest had wished he could have arranged this little party with everything a boy at William’s age defines as ‘family’: A mum, a dad, maybe grandparents, a huge bunch of friends and a lot of little surprises to make the day even better.

He had hoped he could have told him what his parents did when he was having his first school experience. But he neither could remember it completely nor did he ever learn to be a real dad or parent. He was only the big brother – just one year older than the legal age. And sometimes he doubted that how he acted was all right to the little ones.

But it filled him up with pride and the best possible way of happiness that both William and Brendon called themselves lucky and satisfied with the way it was. In their own – thank god – still childish ways.

He was close to let go of cuddling his brother once more to finish what he started, when he heard the door bell ringing and frowned a little in confusion. Anyone that mattered owned a key to their home and he wouldn’t find a reason why…. Just before Pete could finish the phrase in his mind, his dark brown eyes fixed the counter to see that William already hopped off of the massive wood and was running to the entrance to their little home; his hair getting really messy and almost tripping over the too-long fabric of his expensive pants. But even if Pete did see it, he wouldn’t have minded anymore as soon as he saw this honestly felt sunshine on the face of the younger guy.

Will hesitated a second, all nervous all of the sudden, then his long bony fingers grabbed the doorknob to open the door.

The first thing hitting him with joy was a pearly white toothy smile sent out by his best friend Adam, who he knew since he was three tiny years old. The brown-haired taller one took a small step to the side to let his visitors and guests inside. Only then Adam, or Sisky as his mates preferred to call him, minimized the distance between them and wrapped his little arms around his friend, hugged him tightly just like they would mean it in the way the grown-ups do.

It was possibly the first thing they were supposed to learn when they started spending time together and sharing toys on a regular basis.

“I thought you had a key!”, Bilvy blurted out and shot a nice glare up into the higher ceiling where he expected Patrick’s face. As usual when he was around him and Pete and Brendon, Patrick was smiling, lovely and calm, just the way they learned to love him.

And even if William didn’t really know about this thing called ‘love’ in that one special way, he was sure that Pete did love Patrick a lot, probably more than anyone else existing. Adam did know as well.

As much as he loved snuggling up with the not-that-tall man who had those big, pretty blue eyes, he always kind of kept waiting for a sign that it was ok, showing his respect. Like a stroke on his back, Pat letting his fingers play with the messy hair or at least taking his hand while holding Adam’s as well when they went further into the apartment they spent most of their time in.

Today was special, so William was allowed to jump up a little and throw himself into Patrick’s arms, pressing his cheek into the space between Patrick’s shoulder and the neck while he wrapped his tiny arms around only the half of the man’s muscular upper-body to get a better hold of himself.

“Adam and me wanted to surprise you and let you decide if it’s ok that we are joining your big, fantastic party!”, he stated, watching the kid to interpret his reactions and taking in what he saw in his mimics and gestures. He studied this little guy’s behaviour since he got to know him at kindergarten, when all the men were asked to show up to celebrate father’s day. He had painted a beautiful fairy with silver wings for this blood-young guy Patrick hoped wasn’t his dad… cause he already had still been too much of a kid to take care of a new, fragile life when Adam was born.

He wanted to guarantee that he never willingly wanted to misunderstand or mistreat his boyfriend’s brother.

“Of course, Patty! I love you guys and I am happy that you’re here!”, William spoke out, softly but firm as well, just telling the truth and started feeling pretty comfortable in this daddy-ish embrace. He guessed he soon would have to move from this place to make room for someone else.

And it didn’t take that long at all. As quickly as Adam decided to sneak into the kitchen and look for his so-called ‘second daddy’, Pete came back into the living area, carrying Adam in his arms the same way Patrick did with his little brother.

The atmosphere went to being awesome one once again.

“You are early!” The words spoken from the full lips of the raven haired young man were all soft and anything but complaining. He just felt a little awkward that things weren’t finished by now. But a quick second after this thought he leant back emotionally and remembered that Patrick wouldn’t mind.

Soon they were close to each other, sharing trustful and deep looks before Pete shifted Adam’s weight with his left arm to free the right one and took a hand to cup Patrick’s cheek, finally pulling him closer to press his lips firmly to those of his boyfriend, being gentle to do it as tender as possibly; letting him know how much he missed him during the last few days.

Patrick, four years older than his counterpart, had to get things cleared up for his son to get ready to get into first grade. And however hard he had tried to get his kid into the same class as William, they ended up in different ones at the end.

But they would manage it.

Carefully planning lunch together, sharing half of their sandwiches just like best friends did.

Waiting up at the announcement board for each other to walk out of the building where either Patrick or Pete would pick them up to get home.

Or using the short breaks to show what they did in their art lesson. Or Adam would be helping his mate to do the math exercises which was naturally something very easy for him.

Patrick was so looking forward to see them interact with each other and start to figure out how relationships between people normally worked out, no matter which type it was.

Pete kept his eyelids closed a few more seconds after the gentle kiss was shared, feeling the warm breath floating from Patrick’s lightly opened mouth on his face. It was almost unbelievable and maybe not healthy how dependant he had been becoming being close to Patrick. How much he needed to be in his arms, to feel their hearts beating together in the same rhythm.

Staying in that state a little longer, he unfortunately missed what Patrick called hilarious without saying it out loud. William had immediately covered his eyes with his flat palms as soon as he saw that this wasn’t going to be an Eskimo kiss and a dark shade of red covered his usually pale cheeks. Meanwhile Sisky was smirking at him largely.

Not being their 7 years yet they obviously had a secret they were hiding really well.

Patrick thought there was nothing more beautiful than watching them both grow up and together so quickly.

Both boys demanded to be let down friendly, so that William could show his school bag to his best friend and which cool things he had found in his huge candy bag. And Pete was curious when he was actually going to give Adam the drawing he painted yesterday. It showed Pete, Patrick, Brendon and both of the boys standing next to a big house, holding hands. In big red letters it said ‘ME FEMILLY”. Pete didn’t dare to correct the little mistakes, cause sooner or later William would figure them out on his own.

Entwining their fingers, Pete headed back to the kitchen, not thinking of letting Patrick go for just one minute, not that he’d had to.

While he went back to doing the dirty dishes, Patrick wrapped his arms around the almost too small but still adorable frame, pulling him closer to his rising and falling chest, causing his boyfriend to turn in his arms, before he was able to place his warm lips on the exposed part of Pete’s neck, maybe biting the flesh lightly or whispering some senseless stuff into his ear. He didn’t care as long as they were together.

The forehead of the younger one was sinking against Patrick’s, taking in the moment. Taking in the second they had to be alone. They loved the kids, but sometimes it was too hard even for them. But they learned to appreciate every second of being together.

Patrick’s fingers slit down through Pete’s hair, reaching his shoulders and stopped by rubbing the small of his back finally, sending some warm waves of pleasure through him.

Pete got on the tips of his toes, stealing another kiss from the delicious lips and didn’t hesitate long to let his tongue be a helper in this intimate contact just a few seconds later.

Both swore they could have went on for hours like that, maybe going a little bit further, but a tiny sob interrupted them and made them back away in a surprising shock.

Trying to clear his mind from any heat and pleasure, Pete stared down at the little figure standing in the door frame with big, wet brown eyes, sparkling from the sprinkled tears hiding in them, but obvious enough for the two adults. His dark brown hair stood in all directions and a little bit of dry spit was sticking to the corner of his mouth.

The bright red a little too big blanket was wrapped around his small frame, covering him up to his chin and little fists were clutched into the soft fleece, almost a little desperately.

“You not wake me up, Patty!”, Brendon whined, suppressing another heavy sob and glared at Patrick as if he had done the worst thing in the world.

It wasn’t nice seeing Brendon feeling hurt like this, but it probably had been the cutest thing Pete had ever seen; Brendon looking up at his unique boyfriend and totally including him in their life as a family.

Pete was sure that it couldn’t have been more perfect right now.

A/N: Forgive me if there were any mistakes, isn'T easy to go without your special betagirl. Feedback is love and feel free to punch me if you didn't like anything!

Chances on a bitter ending

Wed, 10 Dec 2008 23:32:55 GMT

Author: emorockkid
Rating: R
Pairing: Gabe/William
Chapter: Standalone

Warning: Cursing, angst
Summary: “Am I ever going to find the one for me who is not breaking my heart?”, he asked without any meaningful thought behind his voice, only sounding questioningly..

Disclaimer: This is not true… Or at least I think so. But the reason behind it bases on reality.
Dedication: Only for dramacrumb and the mess of her emotional thoughts. ANd of course beta'd by my mentor in writing letogyllenhaal

“I should have seen this coming, shouldn’t I?”

Shaky, ever so slightly breaking words cut off the painful silence after he told what happened.
His body was tense and he felt cold, icy waves crawling through his skin from the inside, putting some freeze to all parts of his smooth, pale body. He suppressed the urge to dig his nails into his arms, scratching deeply to either cause some heat from the stripes or to feel some warm, pulsing blood running over the surface of his own self, killing the state of feeling so cold and empty and lonely, trying to ease the pain in his chest with a heavier physical one.

Illusion put those to him, nothing he would have really wanted.

He was aching himself close to death right now.

Staring at his flat, shaky palms, he couldn’t see but hear and feel how someone shifted on the bed sheets carefully, crumpling the thin fabric and trying to keep the noises as low as possible so that there wouldn’t be any pressure or unwanted discomfort growing.

Gabe, who was watching his broken best friend pressed his lips together lightly and thought about what he could be saying without adding what his own feelings about the situation were.

He was the one standing the urge to shout at William and blame him for his stupidity to go back to this ungrateful bitch when the younger boy gave her another chance.

But second and most important, he was the one listening when Bilvy flew high in joy, chatted about the perfect Christmas present for her or proposing, actually becoming engaged.

He never complained about the weight that pull on his heart almost unbearably.

“You could have… but you were in love, which usually switches your mind of totally… that’s how you are, Bilvy Beckett…” His voice was musing, his gestures as serious as ever when he was around the skinnier one, having his ears open for whatever kind of problem he had. He would even be totally interested if William would be whining about his laptop being broken down or any other uninteresting subject in the world. The fact that it came from Bilvy made it the most important thing that was happening in the current second.

Gabe shifted his sitting position, getting closer to the shivering body and ignoring the faster heart beats under his ribcage totally, as he ran his long, slender fingers through the messy

brown hair.

He rested there for a moment, sliding them deeper to straddle his neck and placed a tiny kiss on the soft temple he was wishing could be William’s lips – but immediately pushed away that thought.

“It’s the same mistake I made again and again… each fucking time. Let my childish heart win against my head and throwing myself in her arms as if it was my life depending on it… And the saddest thing is that I really thought it would!”

He took a shaggy deep breath after he spilled what twisted in his throat like a silver dancing blade. He was close to the break-down, not actually missing her, but because he had wasted precious time, faith and strength in someone who wasn’t worth it in the end.

The only thing that kept him upwards was this wonderful friend, comforting his back, nudging his shoulder to make him relax and kissing his cheek, lid, forehead, ear or temple whenever he thought William would need it.

The voice of reason was screaming inside Gabe’s brain, the secretly hidden love shut it out easily.

Bilvy was leaning into him when Gabe took time to find the right moment saying what tickled his tongue; he didn’t even had to think about it before.

Usually he would have called any other kid mindless and totally crashed if they did what William had been doing: Calling his ex-girlfriend, begging her for another chance even if it was herself who used him, lied to him, tricked and ignored him. He didn’t even asked himself if this was serious when she didn’t hesitate for more than ten seconds.

Gabe would have guessed she was only for his money, fame and popularity.

William oppositely was too lovely, always seeing the positive sides of a human-being to expect something like this with any tiny thought.

He never would dare to think something close to this.

Gabe swallowed the huge lump in his throat, hoping that he wouldn’t drown himself in this hurt he felt with being so close but as well so far to the beautiful boy in his arms.

“You are a heart-person… always giving it more strength than your head! That’s makes you special, William!” He was close to stating this in a whisper, gulping after he let it slip from his lips.

The younger rubbed his head against the small but invisible strong chest, shutting his eyes and finally relaxing a little bit.

“Am I ever going to find the one for me who is not breaking my heart?”, he asked without any meaningful thought behind his voice, only sounding questioningly. Gabe’s chin laid down on the deliciously smelling hair. This hurt.

“Believe me, you will!”

A/N: Does anyone want a sequel? Feedback is love and I hop it isn't too messed up, I am still native german :)

Top 10 Favourite Fictions

Sun, 07 Dec 2008 21:33:20 GMT

Actually I should have posted about 10 different autors, but I seriously can't make it to more various writers after I am not reading that much on LiveJournal.
Wish I had more time to do so!!

The world has it's shine by minus_four (Gabe/William)
This disease kills me by degrees by ourgossip_lips (Gabe/William)
Souls like the wheels by ivesia19 (Ryan/Brendon)
Reckless Abandon by theslash_sp (Sebastien/Pierre)
The One you love by foxxcub (Panic at the Disco baby!fic)
Pink Glitter by ivesia19 (Ryan/Brendon)
Etude in Blue by ivesia19 (Ryan/Brendon)
Autumn Triology by letogyllenhaal (30 seconds to mars)
Breaking Habits by minus_four</lj> (Gabe/William and Ryan/William)
From a pretty mouth by ivesia19</lj> (Ryan/Brendon)

It obviously is no secret that I got a slight favourite writer all in all ^^

Check em out and feel free to send me a copy of your post if you are going to do this so I can check your favourites out as well!

Tiny little secrets / Life isn’t like a rainbow (oNe)

Sun, 23 Nov 2008 12:31:22 GMT

Title: Tiny little secrets / Life isn’t like a rainbow

Author: emorockkid

Chapter: One

Pairing: Gabe/William, (Ryan/Brendon), (Spencer/Jon), some more maybe

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: This is a kid-fic, which means there are only 5 to 7 year adults and some teenagers in it. And I used a lot of typical stuff from german schools, kindergartens etc, cause it was easier to work with it that way.

Disclaimer: Nothing in this is true, I also mixed up family relations, surnames, ages, locations etc.

Dedications: dramacrumb, this is also for you, cause basically it was your idea! Most important: the wonderful roflkopter who took the time and went through the first part, be sure you’re noticed as my first beta!

Of course, foxxcub for writing the one you love, this was what made me write my own kid!fic, I hope you don’t mind if I kind of took a few ideas from you… it was just too inspiring to not do it!

And last but not least, my left hand in writing: letogyllenhaal Be sure I will allow you to adopt kid!ryan one day!

The brown, wavy hair fell into the child’s small face, partly hiding his honey eyes as he bent over the lap of the older boy before him, pressing his head – or mostly his lips – to the belly covered with a white shirt and a shimmering, silver vest. Little Gabriel didn’t like to wear the clothes his mom bought for him, but it was a big day for him today so he was excited about wearing the nice silky pants and tie with the blue planes on which he had been allowed to choose himself.

He looked at Ryan, who giggled a little bit after placing the tender boyish kiss on the small place that seemed to hurt Gabe. Then he shot a happy glare to his so-different brother. With only being five-years-old, there was nothing that Ryan was more proud of than his brother being so smart and intelligent and clever enough to be allowed to go to school! He was so excited when he helped his mom getting the candies for Gabe’s bag, even if his tiny hands almost smashed them totally. Their mother knew that the love between the both of the boys was big enough to take the situation as something nice and lovely.

“Are you excited, Gabe?”

Gabe sighed deeply. Of course he was. It was his very first day in his new school and he didn’t know what the other kids would be like; if they would be nice or if they would tease him for his thick, curly black hair. If they would all be as bad at reading as him or if anyone would mind that his favourite subject would totally be music (he especially loved singing).

The only thing calming him down right now was the fact that only the celebration took part today and he had still two days left until the real lessons would start.

He offered a hand to Spencer - who had asked the question - to help him sit down on the couch next to him where Ryan wasn’t placed. Spencer and Ryan were twins, but Gabe always wondered if his teacher in kindergarten had make a mistake when she told him that most twins were exactly the same. She had said that twins looked like one another and they were basically the same individual, but this wasn’t true for his brothers.

They were both calm kids, and very smart, but when Spencer ran around on the playground outside, acting like Robin Hood or Batman, Ryan would be sitting on the curb of the street, dozens of crayons in every possible colour laying right next to him in an order of the prettiest, probably drawing a big red and yellow sun with a moon next to it, and the sea right underneath it, or a tree with big shiny apples. Secretly, Gabe admired his younger brother for being so creative and clever for his young age.

And all three of the brothers admired their big sister, Vicky.

“Yes, Spence, I am. This is something big and new for me, you know?” Gabe replied.

Spencer nodded respectfully even though he didn’t know for sure what it meant for Gabe. But Gabe didn’t mind this; he appreciated that both of his brothers were there with him in their tiny blue vests and the exact same black pants, waiting for their dad to get the car ready so they could get started for his new school.

Gabe’s stomach had been growling ever since he got out of bed, but his mother and his now sixteen-year-old sister had stood right behind him when he was brushing his teeth (extra long, to get an extra shiny beam for his special day) explaining that it was the army of ‘excitement ants’.

Gabe has never been this excited before – but also not this sad either.

He remembered crying when they celebrated his last day in kindergarten with all of his friends, and he would miss the time being in ‘the big group’, which his brothers were also in since they became five-years-old four months ago.

Gabe would miss building wooden towers and playing detectives with Alex and Nate. He was now asking himself who would pick him up with their bikes each morning so that he didn’t have to make his way alone if it wasn’t for Mike and Michael.

Ryland wouldn’t be there anymore if he needed help in spelling his name or writing down his age, because Ryland was a total genius with letters and numbers. And who would play ‘Little Drummer Boy’ with him when Butcher was a year behind him in school and still had to go to kindergarten?

Gabe didn’t really know if he wanted to go to this new school – he was excited, but he didn’t like ‘growing up’. It obviously meant you had to give up your beloved friends, or at least hanging out with them most of the day. Gabe really didn’t like that.

He sighed again, maybe with a little too much drama for his age, and wrapped an arm around each of the twins to let them lean a little more onto him.

“Are you boys ready for Gabe’s special day?” Their mother interrupted the small bunch of hugging kids on the couch, watching the different reactions of her youngest children when they heard her question.

While Spencer threw his little arms in the air, half-yelling, “Yeah, Gabby’s big day!” in a kind of lovely, serious way, Ryan sat up straight, folding his hands in his lap and nodding with a hint of pride and happiness on his face.

She stepped closer, nestling on the bandana on Ryan’s longer, hazel hair, the fabric being the same colour as his vest. She had always felt very blessed that her sons were all so kind and easy to handle.

“And what about you?” She knelt down in front of Gabe, meeting his eyes and smiling when she found the exact same expression Vicky had showed when she was his age, ten years ago.

“You’ll do so great, Gabriel. And you’ll love school. Always remember: making new ways doesn’t mean you have to forget about the old ones!” She knew exactly how hard it was for him starting something else than kindergarten, especially as he had stuck to his friends in a way that most other boys his age wouldn’t.

Still, Gabe nodded, a light smile spreading his lips carefully and he whispered, “Thanks, Mom,” when she ran her fingers through the thick, black curls right over his neck.

He knew that deep down, he was looking forward to school; he was just a bit afraid… but only a little.

The older woman of the family knew Gabe well enough to decide he could go with Vicky in her own car, where he was allowed to listen to his favourite music and talk about whatever his mind would spill. Of course, his mother had wished it the other way around, but she was okay with Vicky being the most important woman in Gabe’s life so far. And compared to other sixteen-year-old teenagers, the pretty brunette girl loved to spend each of her free minutes with the three lambs.

As soon as Vicky got the car started, following the one of her parents who took care of Ryan and Spencer, Gabe’s hands nervously tapped a beat on his skinny thighs which where fitting perfectly to his very tall, but also very fragile frame. As he bounced in his seat, watching trees and people ran along the car window, he started humming the familiar melody which was playing in Vicky’s player, also singing some snatches of the lyrics which he was able to remember.

Suddenly though, Gabe snapped out of his singing altogether, and turned his head to watch his sister observing the streets, a knowing smile on her face.

Then he grabbed the little stuffed angel he gave her before her very first ride with the dark-blue Beetle; it was there to protect her, he’d said. His fingertips dug into the soft surface now, squeezing it lightly before sighing once again.

“I’m scared they won’t like me, or fool around about my clothes,” he admitted.

There was no way he didn’t like what he was wearing most of the time, but he knew that it was albeit typical for a seven-year-old kid to go outside dressed in tight jeans, various colourful shirts with glittering prints and bright hoodies or zippers. While other kids carried only toys with them, Gabe didn’t leave his room without wearing one of his favourite caps and hats.

“If anyone jokes about you, they’re only jealous of you for being so cool and fashionable and awesome. You’re the best-dressed lil’ kid I’ve ever seen, Gabby!”

<i>Thanks to my influence,</i> she added silently when she remembered that Gabe had seen this style on her ex-boyfriend and had copied it immediately, adding his own favourite colours. But she stopped thinking about it as she remembered how their relationship ended.

Gabe already caught too much of it.

“And they will love you for your personality,” Vicky continued, “I mean, Spencer does and you know how much of a little bitch he can be sometimes. And remember Nate, Alex, Ryland… they aren’t the easiest to win as friends either. You won’t get along with everyone, that’s true. But that’s what school’s for, learning lessons and stuff, and learning how to deal with people not having the best relationship with you.”

Gabe stayed silent, knowing that Vicky was right.

His big sister was always surprised about how easily he picked up things like that, just like an slightly older adult would do.

“If they don’t talk to you, just wait for your music class. They’ll fall for you as soon as you open your mouth, honey.”

The traffic light switched to red as she stepped on the brakes, maybe a little too roughly, taking the chance to place her warm palm in the crook of her brother’s neck and squeeze gently.

Turning his head, Gabe leant over to the beautiful girl and thanked her with a sloppy kiss on her cheek.

Once they were at the school, Ryan poked the tip of his tongue out, holding it between his little pink lips while he tried to figure out the best way to hold the huge candy bag in his hands. He wanted to hold it for his big brother without emptying it onto the ground, or falling over on his butt painfully. Once he tightened the grip around the blue material of the bag, he focused on his brother standing in a line with some other first-class-kids, their names and future class number being announced before they were introduced to the new teacher.

Spencer poked his twin brother in his ribs as he saw that Gabe wasn’t just smiling now, but beaming all over his face, finally happy about being a school kid and not worrying about anything anymore.

Wincing slightly, Ryan fought to get back his balance and grip on the candy bag and, Spencer yelled a little in joy as a single chocolate bar fell from it, let free to find the way into his hands, and then to his mouth.

The smaller of the twins silently decided to get Spencer’s favourite puppy kidnapped and arrested under their bed for that action.

Unlike other normal schools, the one Gabe went to didn’t let the kids get together in class on the celebration day. The families were guided through the building, receiving an explanation about the offices, lunch room, nurse office and all of the other classrooms which Gabe’s parents needed to know about rather than their son himself. All Gabe could concentrate on was trying to remember how he could get to each room, because usually, he was the worst kid on earth choosing ways to go around - he always seemed to get lost.

Besides that, he only had a small chance to have a look at some of his new classmates.

One kid who caught his attention in particular, maybe being the only one he would recognize on Monday while getting into his first lesson, was a boy just as tall as him, but even thinner; almost fragile-looking. His skin was pale, almost white, and he had long chestnut hair, falling in waves over his shoulders.

Gabe thought he’d maybe seen a hint of sadness in the dark, flickering eyes when he saw the boy hide in the shadow of an older person, almost a young man, who had a serious look on his too-young-to-be-a-daddy face. They obviously talked to each other, but Gabe stood too far away to understand at least one word. But how could a seven-year-old boy be so extremely shy?

Gabe shook his head, smiling and entwined his fingers with those of his brothers, pretending to take care of them, while their parents talked to their teacher and Vicky was forced to pay her full attention to the one and only Gabe Saporta Candy Bag… with the snakes on it. And the planes. And the colourful stars of course.

Gabe was just so heavily excited that he walked a step faster, causing Ryan to almost fall over once again. But he wasn’t about to complain about that. This was Gabe’s big day!

A/N: Feedback is love and feel free to judge me as hard as possible, cause I want to get better and better :)

The Artist in me is back again!

Wed, 19 Nov 2008 20:18:18 GMT

Random Facts about me...

Mon, 11 Aug 2008 17:30:27 GMT

Stolen from my favourite author ivesia19

[ ] I am shorter than 5'4.
[X] I think I'm ugly sometimes.
[X] I have many scars.
[ ] I tan easily
[X] I wish my hair was a different color.
[X] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
[X] I have a tattoo.
[ ] I am self-conscious about my appearance.
[ ] I have/I've had braces.
[X] I wear glasses
[ ] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free
[X] I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger.
[ ] I have more than 2 piercings.
[X] I have piercing in places besides my ears.
[X] I have freckles.

Family/Home Life
[X] I've sworn at my parents.
[X] I've run away from home.
[ ] I've been kicked out of the house.
[X] My biological parents are together.
[ ] I have a sibling less than one year old.
[X] I want to have kids someday.
[ ] I've lost a child.

School/Work
[X] I'm in school (starting studies in October)
[X] I have a job
[X] I've fallen asleep at work/school.
[X] I almost always do my homework.
[X] I've missed a week or more of school.
[ ] I've been on the Honor Roll within the last 2 years
[ ] I failed more than 1 class last year
[X] I've stolen something from my job
[ ] I've been fired

Embarrassment
[X] I've slipped out an "lol" in a spoken conversation.
[X] Disney movies still make me cry.
[ ] I've peed from laughing.
[X] I've snorted while laughing.
[X] I've laughed so hard I've cried.
[X] I've glued my hand to something.
[ ] I've had my pants rip in public.

Health
[X] I was born with a disease/impairment
[X] I've gotten stitches/staples.
[X] I've broken a bone
[ ] I've had my tonsils removed.
[X] I've sat in a doctor’s office/emergency room with a friend.
[ ] I've had my wisdom teeth removed.
[X] I had a serious surgery.
[X] I've had chicken pox.
[ ] I've had measles

Traveling
[X] I've driven over 200 miles in one day.
[X] I've been on a plane.
[ ] I've been to Canada.
[ ] I've been to Mexico.
[ ] I've been to Niagara Falls.
[ ] I've been to Japan.
[ ] I've celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
[X] I've been to Europe.
[ ] I've been to Africa.

Experiences
[X] I've gotten lost in my city.
[X] I've seen a shooting star.
[X] I've wished on a shooting star
[X] I've seen a meteor shower.
[ ] I've gone out in public in my pajamas.
[X] I've pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
[X] I've kicked a guy where it hurts.
[ ] I've been to a casino.
[ ] I've been skydiving.
[ ] I've gone skinny dipping.
[X] I've played spin the bottle.
[ ] I've drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
[X] I've crashed a car.(just a lil bit)
[X] I've been skiing.
[X] I've been in a play.
[X] I've met someone in person from MySpace or LiveJournal.
[X] I've caught a snowflake on my tongue.
[ ] I've seen the Northern lights.
[ ] I've sat on a roof top at night.
[ ] I've played chicken.
[X] I've played a prank on someone.
[X] I've ridden in a taxi.
[X] I've seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
[X] I've eaten sushi.
[ ] I've been snowboarding.

Relationships
[X] I'm single
[ ] I'm in a relationship
[ ] I'm engaged.
[ ] I'm married.
[ ] I've gone on a blind date.
[X] I've been the dumped more than the dumper.
[X] I miss someone right now.
[X] I have a fear of abandonment.
[ ] I've gotten divorced.
[X] I've had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
[ ] I've told someone I loved them when I didn't.
[ ] I've told someone I didn't love them when I did.
[ ] I've kept something from a past relationship.

Sexuality
[X] I've had a crush on someone of the same sex.
[ ] I've had a crush on a teacher.
[X] I am a cuddler.
[ ] I've been kissed in the rain.
[X] I've hugged a stranger.
[ ] I have kissed a stranger

Honesty/Crime
[X] I've done something I promised someone else I wouldn't.
[X] I've done something I promised myself I wouldn't.
[X] I've snuck out of my house.
[X] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
[ ] I am keeping a secret from the world.
[X] I've cheated while playing a game.
[X] I've cheated on a test.
[X] I've run a red light.
[ ] I've been suspended from school.
[ ] I've witnessed a crime.
[ ] I've been in a fist fight.
[ ] I've been arrested.

Drugs/Alcohol
[X] I've consumed alcohol
[ ] I regularly drink.
[ ] I've passed out from drinking.
[ ] I have passed out drunk at least once in the past 6 months.
[ ] I've smoked weed
[X] I've taken painkillers when I didn't need them.
[ ] I've eaten shrooms.
[ ] I've popped E.
[ ] I've inhaled Nitrous.
[ ] I've done hard drugs.
[ ] I have cough drops when I'm not sick.
[ ] I can't swallow pills.
[ ] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem
[X] I have been diagnosed with clinical depression.
[ ] I have been diagnosed with one or more anxiety disorder.
[X] I shut others out when I'm depressed.
[ ] I take anti-depressants.
[ ] I'm anorexic or bulimic.
[X] I've slept an entire day when I didn't need it.
[X] I've hurt myself on purpose. (I am over it, totally)
[X] I've woken up crying.

Death and Suicide
[X] I'm afraid of dying.
[X] I hate funerals.
[ ] I've seen someone dying.
[X] Someone close to me has attempted suicide.
[X] Someone close to me has committed suicide.
[X] I've planned my own suicide.
[X] I've attempted suicide.
[ ] I've written a eulogy for myself.

Materialism
[ ] I own over 5 rap CDs.
[X] I own an iPod or MP3 player.
[ ] I have an unhealthy obsession with anime/manga.
[ ] I own multiple designer purses, costing over $100 a piece.
[ ] I own something from Hot Topic. (I WOULD DIE FOR HOT TOPIC, BUT THERE ISN'T ONE IN GERMANY :( )
[ ] I own something from Pac Sun.
[ ] I collect comic books.
[ ] I own something from The Gap.
[X] I own something I got on e-bay.
[ ] I own something from Abercrombie.

Random
[X] I can sing well.
[ ] I've stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
[X] I open up to others easily. You ask me a question I'm most likely going to answer it.
[X] I watch the news.
[ ] I don't kill bugs.
[X] I hate hearing songs that sacrifice meaning for the sake of being able to rhyme.
[X] I curse regularly.
[X] I sing in the shower.
[X] I am a morning person.
[ ] I paid for my cell phone ring tone.
[X] I'm a snob about grammar.
[ ] I am a sports fanatic.
[X] I twirl my hair.
[ ] I have "x"s in my screen name.
[ ] I love being neat. (I am more the crappy, messy one then)
[ ] I love Spam
[X] I've copied more than 30 CD's in a day
[X] I bake well.
[ ] My favorite color is either white, yellow, pink, red or blue
[ ] I've worn pajamas to school.
[ ] I like Martha Stewart.
[X] I know how to shoot a gun.
[ ] I am in love with love.
[ ] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
[X] I laugh at my own jokes.
[X] I eat fast food weekly.
[X] I believe in ghosts.
[ ] I am online 24/7, even as an away message.
[X] I've not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class.
[ ] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.
[X] I am really ticklish.
[X] I love white chocolate
[X] I bite my nails.
[X] I play video games.
[X] I'm good at remembering faces.
[X] I'm good at remembering names.
[X] I'm good at remembering dates.
[ ] I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
[X] All of those are answered honestly

Photobucket meme

Mon, 11 Aug 2008 14:45:52 GMT

Snagged from letogyllenhaal

Rules

1) Go to Photobucket (don't sign in).
2) Type your answer to (each) question in the "search" box.
3) Copy the html of the picture (your answer) then paste, for the answer.

What is your relationship status?

What is your favorite color?

How inspiring....lol

Who is your celebrity crush?

Of course it HAS to be him =)

What are you currently listening to?

What is your favorite movie?

I remember 4 years ago when a friend called me and said something like
'There is a movie on TV called 'Lost and Delirious'... this could be something
for you'. It was a few days after I told her I had a huge crush on her three years
ago and that she made me see how beautiful and lovely girls could be... and
how interesting as well. And that's why this is my favourite movie in all times!

Your favorite Disney Princess?

Cause I am really much into strong
and independent women

Dream vacation?

I've never been attracted to the city, but since reading so much about it
in all of your stories, girls, I would like to know how it appears in reality
Not only the bright, glamorous side, also the parts which iloveboyskissin
describe during 'Six Year Shock'

One word that describes you.

Where were you born?

What is your obsession?

Cause they became something like a family, something which made me grow
I found my best friends through this band and the job I am starting in Oct08
They are defnitely like brothers... especially the freak one the right of yours ^^

What is your last name?

It's actually 'Roock'

Sun, 13 Jul 2008 21:31:34 GMT

The rules are as follows -
1. Pick a hot guy... take a moment to think.
2. Is this really the guy you want?
3. Pick his top 10 hottest, cutest, most irresistible pictures.
4. Tag 5 other users.

I was tagged by my girl letogyllenhaal

So first of all, the users I wanna tag... Am curious if you will do this!
iloveboyskissin
ivesia19
ovidien
wraithfae
coldconcrete

Definitely one of the first pictures I was simply addicted to.
Which shows how unique he is, not only over his eyes.
Oh yes, I kinda miss this make-up-thing ;)

One of my faves, cause it shows how many facets he is able to show out.
And no, nobody else can do such makeups and I swear he is the only one I would ever like in such clothes.
Not to mention this hat he seemed to be addicted to xD
I liked that he looked much older than he actually was back then

How can a boy be so perfect and handsome?
I never saw someone with such a beautiful face before, it's like it would be telling stories
of how he could and couldn't be. It's kind of an unwritten book. Just fascination.

Seems as I am pretty much sticking to the old Ross, but I kind of liked this cold,
innocent touch he had in his appearance, like someone youcan never figure out what
his feelings were. This is kind of this untouchable, hurt boy to show out. Love it

I would also marry my boyfriend in such clothes.
Awesome ^^

I love those smiles on him, with these lil bit teasing eyes... Way too cute

This one is prettier than a painting
And more worth than art.
It's one of the most incredible things existing.
Compliments to Amy Dunn for this!

I have always been into these sad, serious pics on celebrity boys I liked
And so it is with Ryan.
This was one of the very first pivtures I have seen and it made me being totally into
this band =)

And of course, something slashy for the almost end..
I took a newer one cause that's kinda what I saw with my own eyes
And it is something precious, definitely

My current fave coz this it where some of my own memories go with.
My second and most intense concert in Frankfurt/Germany this July.
This is where I started to know exactly why this is THE BAND for me.
And that my fascination for this guy is mostly base on his musician personality. =)

Your turn, now, girls =)

He loved to call him perfect

Fri, 20 Jun 2008 21:36:25 GMT

Author: emorockkid
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Ryden
Chapter: Standalone

Warning: Character’s dead, a little bit of language
Summary: "Brenny, that's unfair!" Playful, and with some affected insult in the shaky, ever slightly monotonous voice, Ryan tried to complain, and pushed his lower lip forwards, in a pouting way; not showing that every little move took him incredibly much energy.

Disclaimer: I would screw myself for writing this down if it was true at all. So: I don’t own them and this is all fake.
Dedication: letogyllenhaal for translating and doing beta on it; and of course always reading my stuff, doesn’t matter what it is – I am more than grateful for it, really. Of course all the ladies writing the most beautiful stories with Ryden-pairing on LJ, you guys encouraged me for this. And the most important one: My lovely friend Christine who was the reason I wrote this. May the angels save you and take away the sadness you went through the last two years. I miss you…

Brendon inhaled deep, desperate, and tried to ignore the pain, which increased intensity in his lungs, trying to get control over his feelings again.

He was scared, terrified – of the irregular, unnatural shallow breath, which didn't let his own chest rise and fall, but proved Ryan's full weakness; of the words, he should whisper for giving hope and comfort, more for himself than for the almost lost person. Fear of the unbearable certainty of what would come, and the irrevocably fact that he couldn't change anything, as much as he hoped, prayed and fought, pressing Ryan to his trembling body – he wouldn't be able to save him.

Without a word, his lips touched the neck of the older man tenderly, and breathed life towards him, which he desired for him so much; during the last twelve months, when they fought against fate and its injustice – and all the more now. How often at night had Brendon yelled into the silence, being alone in the darkness, when Ryan had been finally welcomed by sleep in his hospital bed, after hours of unbearable torture and strong medicine? How many countless times had he broken down in Spencer's arms, and begged him to do anything; anything to change this cruelty? How long had he spent with books and on the internet, searching for any possibility to not let go of him? How many overpriced experts had he paid to find a solution for this insoluble case?

And he hated himself for never finding the right way. But all the more, he hated the damned helplessness.

Clasping his boyfriend's fingers even tighter, Ryan snuggled a bit more into Brendon's embrace, ignoring his physical exhaustion, so that he could rest his head on the other chest easily, and feel the soft breath in his hair. He loved this unique feeling, the warmth, and the sound of Brendon panting into his hair. Let alone this, he had denied the chemotherapy.

Brendon closed his lids and lips shut to ignore the coldness of Ryan's fingers, how lifeless and light they seemed; without any grip and abandoned from any strength. Rather, he remembered the nights on the tour bus, when Ryan crawled on the quiet into his bunk, and he held his icy hands to bring them back to life again with his own body heat. Bren used to love Ryan's warm and soft hands; he loved to stroke them tenderly, and cover the palm with sloppy, confessing kisses, when he needed too many momentous words to express honestly, how much he was bewitched by this man.

Breathing in deep, the sick, but still indescribable beautiful, young man raised his head in order to moan disappointed.

His eyes fixed the colorful, romantic night sky through the big, open window of the bedroom.

"Brenny, that's unfair!" Playful, and with some affected insult in the shaky, ever slightly monotonous voice, Ryan tried to complain, and pushed his lower lip forwards, in a pouting way; not showing that every little move took incredibly much energy from him.

Unnoticed by the senses of his soul mate, Brendon fought down his ascending tears. Yes, it was so unfair that he had received everything a human being could ever desire, but not life for Ryan, which he craved more than anything else in the world, and he would be willing to give up and sacrifice everything for. It was the most cruel fact on Earth that now that Ryan finally began to live and enjoy to face his past with this certain strength, the tumor had settled in his head to drag him slowly away from life. It was the cruelest thing, Brendon Urie could experience that Ryan's doctors hadn't even a slight chance to react. Out there, was certainly someone, who wanted Ryan to die, and this person had to be somebody without any soul or heart, wishing somebody so lovely and irreplaceable like Ryan the death. He was the first one, who deserved life.

Again, Brendon pressed Ryan closer into his imploring arms.

"What do you mean my angel?" he asked, with a shaky tone in his low voice, and noticed, when the first tears overcame him.
He didn't want to show weakness; not now that Ryan needed all the positive energy, he could get. But with the modification in the situation of their lives, their roles had exchanged as well. While Brendon used to bury himself in dark pessimism, and almost drowned in his own desperation, it had been Ryan, who went outside, welcoming every little sunbeam with an open heart, and drawing joy for both of them.

The younger man envied him for his abnormal strength.

"You have been going on my nerves for four years now, with your pink colored sun, which always rises, when we look into the sky together..." Brendon's tears quietly dropped onto Ryan's pale forehead, running over the bridge of his nose, until they left a salty trail on his lips.

Ryan didn't want to be the reason, why he cried or suffered. The guilt tore him to pieces, but he tried not to leave him to the pain too much.

"...And today, when I really want to see it... it’s yellow... yellow! What beautiful thing is yellow? Yellow is stupid!" Sobs reached his ear, and he closed his eyes. Damn, he wanted to live! Only a bit longer to find somebody for Brendon, to make him as happy as Ryan wanted him to be.

"Baby?" He felt his limbs slowly getting heavier, but resolution won over physical strength, so that he crawled up a bit to be on the same level with Brendon's face.

What he saw let him fall into sadness.

The eyes of his big love were dull and moist, the dark, honest brown discolored, and distorted by fine, thin lines of blood, which proved many hours of grief. The exactly curved outlines of his mouth were sore, and the youthful features became pale and skinny. His bones clearly remarkable under the thin skin, and the impish pink glimmer disappeared from his chubby cheeks.
For Ryan it was like looking into the mirror, and watching his own downfall. Brendon died emotionally with him, even when it was the last thing he wanted, he couldn't avoid it. The wish had just slipped out of his hands.

Trembling, lead by a vague look, he touched the temples of his boyfriend with rough fingertips, before Brendon carefully bent forward to catch his lips for a painful kiss; pleading and desperate at the same time. The salt in this touch seemed to unite the both, giving them their wish of eternity, until Ryan needed to break off to fill his weak lungs with air again.

He lowered his eyes for a second, his hand resting on Bren's chest to feel the beat of his heart. It was so much stronger than his own could be at the moment. For some long time, he paused, listening to the familiar breath, and searching for words, which would fit now. Only then, he looked for their eye contact again, and didn't even break it, though he knew without any doubt, it could break him down anytime.

"Brendon, you know, that I don't need to see a pink sun shine, which means the most to me. Nothing could replace what you give to me..." He paused to collect himself again, and put a quick kiss on Brendon's lips, which were trembling uncontrolled. He lost him just now, and he tried not to see the goodbye, Ryan just prepared for, without even being aware of it himself.

"You didn't help me finding luck... You are everything, I would ever call luck. Would somebody ask me about the definition of 'perfect', I would write your name on a white piece of paper – nothing else!"

Brendon was sobbing, whimpering, and he felt the urge to scream to make him stop. Stopping to give up, because he felt how every energy led into emptiness.

He put his forehead against the one of his sick boyfriend, while he demanded another familiar nosy kiss.

Ryan wanted to tell him to be happy again, without him, but nevertheless he knew that this would mean the following death of Brendon's loving heart, so he had written it all down in a little book, which Spencer and Jon would give to him, once he had recovered after 'the end' – at least on the surface.

He felt, how his heart and chest were filled with emptiness, and the pain slowly left for numbness; he pushed himself closer into Brendon's arms.
"I love you. More than the moon loves the sun, Brendon Urie!" he whispered, and hid his face in the smooth bend of his neck, before he tiredly closed his eyes... He couldn't have imagined something more beautiful for this moment than to rest in Brendon's arms, and to know that he had found the most precious and wonderful thing in the world, which he was able to call his own. That he had reached his goal to find the other half of his soul.

The "I love you even more, Ryan Ross...", which came bitterly, but clearly from the lips of the physical stronger person, was the last thing Ryan heard; the so much enjoyed kiss onto the unnatural light back of his head, and Brendon's heartbeat against his palm, the last thing he felt, until he closed his eyes for the last time, still having a smile on his lips.